Conscious Relating's topics - tribe.net

Polyamory in the News

Alan — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:40:24 GMT

New breakthroughs have been happening in public awareness and recognition of polyamory. CNN, ABC's Nightline, MTV, bigtime evangelical media -- if you haven't kept up with Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com) in the last four, here's some of what you've missed:

** Polyamory is “America's next romantic revolution,” claims Newsweek online. “It's enough to make any monogamist's head spin. But the traditionalists had better get used to it.” The magazine says the U.S. now has more than a half million poly households, but doesn't give a clear source for this number.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/07/newsweek-article-appears-at-least.html

** The Newsweek author, a few days later, also mused on “the Feminist Roots of Polyamory.” “The key to poly relationships is gender equality, and women have been central to the creation of the practice.... The way these families make their relationships work is perhaps the most feminine of all: by good old-fashioned talking....”
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/07/newsweek-author-feminist-roots-of.html

** The president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary gives a big swath of the evangelical world an accurate, level-headed description of who we are and what we're about. Of course he's totally opposed. But with opponents like this, who needs allies?
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/08/revelation-for-christians.html

** Advice columnists pick up the poly hot potato everywhere from Dear Margo, Ask Abby, and Dear Amy to the Jewish Daily Forward.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/08/mainstreaming-in-dear-margo.html
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/09/more-unhelpful-advice-columnists.html
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-write-to-you-not-with-ink-but-with.html

** Out and Proud, or TMI? A different kind of advice columnist, Dan Savage, addresses the question of how out should out polys choose to be.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/10/out-and-proud-or-tmi.html

** MTV's hour-long documentary “I'm Polyamorous” turned out quite well, though one of the starring people gives us a behind-the-scenes account of how a lot of their best stuff got cut.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/09/mtv-poly-documentary.html

** CNN treats polyamory as a real and significant alternative to monogamy in an article online and then the next day on TV.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/10/cnn-on-monogamy-and-poly-alternative.html
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/10/mono-vs-poly-debated-on-cnn-tv.html

** Poly Pride Day in New York: my report.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/10/report-from-poly-pride-day-in-new-york.html

** Win some, lose some, but gay marriage is coming. As settled, legally married pairs take center stage, will the gay movement abandon its relationship radicals?
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/10/will-gay-marriage-leave-relationship.html

** Plus print coverage from Britain, Poland, and Latin America -- and watch TV news coverage from Canada, Spain, and France.

------------------

Here's the site:
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com

If you’re on LiveJournal you can sign up for an LJ Friends feed:
http://syndicated.livejournal.com/polymedia

Or subscribe by a different feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/PolyamoryInTheNews

I've done 346 of these reports in the last four years. They're sorted in the archive by date, topic, and sometimes location. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I did creating them!

Happy November--

Alan

(Crossposted)

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Soul Hunger: The reason of faith, according to Karen Armstrong

Will — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:51:22 GMT

www.odemagazine.com

MICHAEL BRUNTON
Ode
SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2009 ISSUE

The reason of faith

Religion isn’t easy, Karen Armstrong says: “You have to practice quite hard, like you do with any art form.”

Modern science knows how to fix a hole in the heart. It can diagnose a hole in the ozone layer and prove the existence of black holes at the edge of the universe.

But when it comes to explaining what's often described as the "God-shaped hole" in our lives, neither quantum physicists nor geneticists nor neuropsychologists appear to quite have the measure of it.

If anything, the rate of scientific advance in recent decades has only served to polarize religious debate. At one extreme is a resurgent atheism—epitomized by Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, who've both written best-selling books denouncing religious belief—which trusts that this hole, like every hole, will be filled in time by knowledge. At the other extreme is religious fundamentalism—epitomized by political spats over headscarves and creationism—which believes this hole is brimful of scriptural truth. For most of us in between, the hole in the soul gnaws away at our subconscious, like a hunger. And all of us, believers and non-believers alike, rush to fill the void with words.

One way or another, according to Karen Armstrong, "We talk far too much about God these days." Which might sound a bit rich coming from the English author of almost 20 books on religion as well as two memoirs about her becoming—and then unbecoming—a Catholic nun, who has been decked with religious prizes and who regularly lectures the high and mighty of church and state around the world. What's more, according to her new book The Case for God, the things we say when we do talk about religious faith are often "facile," "stupid" or "primitive." Ammunition, perhaps, for Armstrong's critics, of whom she has had her share, ever since her breakthrough book, A History of God, in 1993.

In that and the books that followed, Armstrong has traced the tangled roots of Judaism, Christianity and Islam, liberally reinterpreted the lives of Muhammad, Buddha and Jesus, and dived headlong into the maelstrom of theological debate around fundamentalism, both before and after 9/11. Some have criticized her idealistic interpretation of the Koran; religious academics berate her for shortcomings of scholarly rigor; atheists dismiss her for refusing to engage in debate on their terms.

Yet Armstrong's consistently eloquent arguments for compassion and commonality as an antidote to Islamophobia and the "clash of civilizations" have struck a chord, particularly in the U.S., where she has addressed both houses of Congress. She's also increasingly in demand on the lecture circuit in countries like Pakistan and Egypt, and is to be found on book stalls in 40 languages around the world. Drawing together the main threads of her previous research, The Case for God is Armstrong's most concise and practical-minded book yet: a historical survey of how rather than what we believe, where we lost the "knack" of religion and what we need to do to get it back.

"A lot of the arguments about religion going on at the moment spring from a rather inept understanding of religious truth," says Armstrong, settling into her theme and a winged easy chair in her early-Georgian home in north London. The furnishings and decoration suggest Jane Austen may have just stepped out of the room. Like Austen, and in a polished English accent, Armstrong is sharp-witted, quick to ridicule nonsense, and a good storyteller. "Our notion changed during the early modern period when we became convinced that the only path to any kind of truth was reason. That works beautifully for science but doesn't work so well for the humanities. Religion is really an art form and a struggle to find value and meaning amid the ghastly tragedy of human life."

Armstrong's The Case for God begins with the cave paintings of Lascaux in the French Dordogne, made some 17,000 years ago—seemingly religious art works in which the hunter assuages his unease at killing his prey through shamanic rituals in honor of the Animal Master. Such myths were born because, Armstrong writes, "As meaning-seeking creatures, men and women fall very easily into despair. They have created religions and works of art to help them find value in their lives, despite all the dispiriting evidence to the contrary."

From that point on, the religious impulse took the form of creation myths like Tao and Brahman from the East, on through the gods of ancient Greece and eventually the emergence of the world's three main monotheisms—Judaism, Christianity and Islam—and their founding scriptures. But none of them, says Armstrong, were meant to be taken literally. "The cosmology of the ancient world was telling you about the nature of life here and now. Genesis is not about the origins of life. There were many other creation stories current in Israel at that time and no one was required to believe in that one."

Reason, science and logic—what the Greeks called "logos"—were also evolving as ways of understanding the world, but always in concert, not competition, with the stories—the mythos—they relied on to deal with the mysteries of the human psyche. Pythagoras, for example, a founding father of mathematics and astronomy, sought the geometric truth of the universe from within a religious community dedicated to Apollo and the Muses. He also called himself a philosopher and expected his students to lead an ascetic and monastic kind of life, undergoing rites of purification and silence "in a search," Armstrong writes, "for transcendence and a dedicated, practical lifestyle."

In conversation, Armstrong spins the threads of her research with agile, unhesitating precision, leaping across centuries of scripture, philosophy and theology. She dissects the writings of Denys the Areopagite, the pseudonymous 5th-to-6th-century Christian theologian; explains the roots of Greek words like pistis (faith); pauses to unpick the purpose of Socratic dialogue or the classical atheism of Ludwig Feuerbach, the 19th-century German philosopher and proto-Marxist.

But through all the twists and turns, the notion of transcendence is the one she returns to time and again as the beating heart of all pre-modern theology. "The idea was that when we spoke about God we were speaking of something that lies beyond words," says Armstrong. "People like Thomas Aquinas would say we can't talk about God as a creator because we can only have in our heads the idea of a human creator and that can't apply to God. We can't even say that God exists because our notion of existence is too limited to apply to God. People were instructed to think about this in those terms."

In Armstrong's scheme of things, it was with the dawning of the Age of Reason that the problems started. As philosophers and mathematicians both, Descartes and then Newton well understood that science and religion—logos and mythos—were discrete realms in the search for universal truth. But when the foundation for modern science was laid, the conceptual nature of truth itself began to blur.

"Newton and Descartes started to try and prove that God existed in the same way as they would try and prove something in the laboratory or with their mathematics," says Armstrong. "And when you try and mix science and religion you get bad science and bad religion. The two are doing two different things. ... Science can give you a diagnosis of cancer. It can even cure your disease, but it cannot touch your grief and disappointment, nor can it help you to die well."

Newton seeded not only the idea that God was reducible, says Armstrong, but also that understanding religion would be easy. So easy that by 1900, the German mathematician David Hilbert could confidently assert that precisely 23 problems remained to be solved in order to complete the Newtonian view of the universe. More than a century later, few of us can even comprehend those problems, let alone calculate the answers or grasp the significance of all the things we've learned since. Worse, as our theories about the universe grow ever more abstract, a sense of bewilderment is replacing the sense of transcendence. "It's not easy to talk about transcendence, just as it's not easy to play or listen to a late Beethoven quartet," says Armstrong. "You have to practice quite hard, like you do with any art form. Religion is hard work."

And as with great art, the realization that God defies understanding can be a source of the profoundest joy. For Einstein that sense of the existence of something impenetrable was, as he wrote in a 1930 essay, "the sower of all true art and science" and "the centre of all true religiousness." Armstrong herself calls this experience "the stunned appreciation of an otherness"—a state she says she can occasionally glimpse in the long, silent and solitary hours of study that fuel her writing.

In her studies, Armstrong, at 64, now finds what countless hours of obligatory prayer as an unhappy Catholic nun in her teenage years had flatly failed to bring into focus. Suffering a lost vocation and physically frail, she considered her eventual departure from the convent in 1969 as a relief of sorts. But coming to terms with the world outside and the God she'd left behind triggered a profound spiritual trauma. After a diagnosis of epilepsy and disastrous spells teaching at a university, Armstrong's convalescence proper began in 1981—it's still underway, she says—when she poured her pain into a memoir of her convent days, Through the Narrow Gate. A second volume Beginning the World related her adjustment to the outside world, but Armstrong later recanted it because of the false heartiness she'd adopted to satisfy both her publisher and her own delusion of contentment.

In fact, Armstrong's adjustment wasn't going well, and a brief spell as an erudite but pungently skeptical presenter of religious TV programs in the U.K.—egged on by the producers, she claims, to say ever more outrageous things—did little to help matters. But in the course of that work, Armstrong found herself drawn back to the theological texts underpinning the monotheistic religions and to what they really mean. To do that, says Armstrong, "I had to put my clever, post-Enlightenment, Oxford-educated, aggressively logos self on the back burner, and enter into the mind of someone like Muhammad, who believed he'd been touched by God. Because if I didn't sympathetically and compassionately feel with him, I would miss the essence of it and just write another clever riposte."

A report by the Pew Forum, a U.S. research body on religion and public life, recently painted a startling picture of religious faith in America. About half the population appears to have changed religious affiliation at least once, while the number of believers unaffiliated with any particular faith is rising faster than those of any of religion. Yet more than half of those who grow up unaffiliated later choose to join one. Of the reasons people give for this restlessness, far more cite disenchantment with their religious institutions than a loss of faith per se.

Across Europe, in contrast, while many still identify with a religious denomination, Pew's Global Attitudes Project report last year showed that only a fraction value religion as "very important" in their lives, compared to America, where 55 percent consider it so. In secular-minded France, only 10 percent take that view. Even in traditionally Catholic Spain, the figure is only 19 percent. Among young Europeans, religion's importance appears to be still on the wane. That's somewhat true in America, although 49 percent of adults under 40 value it like their parents and grandparents do, while in places like Egypt (69 percent), Turkey (88 percent) and Pakistan (95 percent), many more young people are keeping the faith.

That longing for spiritual uplift and communion, along with the sense of being let down, have no doubt driven the popularity of New Age beliefs in the U.S. and elsewhere in recent decades. It may also have contributed to the rise in eco-consciousness and the emergence of a "Lifestyles of Health and Sustainability" (LOHAS) demographic, said to include some 40 million people in the U.S., socially responsible green consumers interested in spiritually tinged practices like alternative medicine and personal development.

Armstrong for one isn't surprised at these shifts. "We—the British and the northern Europeans—are beginning to look endearingly old-fashioned in our secularism. The rest of the world is becoming more religious." But while God-centered religion may not own the copyright on transcendence, she warns, "None of it is of any value unless you translate it into practical compassionate action for others. In Buddhism, yoga is properly about the dismantling of egotism; if you just do these things to lose weight or to get a warm glow, that's not religion."

For Armstrong, it's compassion that's the defining virtue of religion, the Golden Rule articulated by Confucius two and a half millennia ago as "Never do to others what you would not like them to do to you." Practicing compassion is, she says, a form of "ethical artistry" that requires the dethroning of ego—a virtue, Armstrong believes, that's alive and well for the majority of the faithful in all religions, but one often singularly lacking in the higher echelons of the various faiths she addresses.

Last year, that message earned Armstrong a prize from the TED Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to fostering big ideas, allowing Armstrong to promote a Charter for Compassion that aims to get religious leaders to commit to a program of compassionate principles (see sidebar). For some religious commentators, like the U.S. rabbi Brad Hirschfield, the Charter amounts to little more than "a ‘Kumbaya' moment" for "a world filled with hate-driven faith." Armstrong disagrees, believing the abundant supply of compassion among religious communities the world over will win out. She does have a poor opinion of religious committees though, and admits she was nervous before the first meeting of the high-profile, multifaith, multinational body convened to draw up the Charter. Until, that is, the first speaker got up and said, "We must include a sentence saying that we, that religious people, have failed." Everyone agreed, nodding, says Armstrong with a grin. "As soon as I heard that, I thought, ‘We're going to be all right.'"

Michael Brunton is a writer living in London who agrees with Voltaire on the necessity of god and gardening.

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

Awesome quotes, add your own or discuss mine

aschleigh — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:20:52 GMT

The character truest to itself becomes eccentric rather than immovably centered, as Emerson defined the noble character of the hero. At the edge, the certainty of borders gives way. We are more subject to invasions, less able to mobilize defenses, less sure of who we really are, even as we may be perceived by others as a person of character. The dislocation of self from center to indefinite edge merges us more with the world, so that we can feel “blest by everything.”
James Hillman

posted in Conscious Relating - 3 replies

Paradigm Shifting....

aschleigh — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 07:54:28 GMT

I have had similar conversations with many different people. I use words differently than they do. Marriage can be between opposite or same sex people. God is not a being as much as an experience. Feminism , is shifting for a new generation of women. Etc... Lots of words are shifting meaning these days. People sometimes get irratated when their meaning and my meaning is different. I may be taking liberties with these words or I may be refelcting a new way of seeing things,
What do you think about using the same words but now in new ways? And the division that occurs between people when the old meaning and the new meanings clash. I know I am talking to people here who probably think marriage is fine with same sex people and that god is not a man in the sky. But feminism I find is different for women in our 20's and 30's than for women in their 50's and 60's.
What do you think happen society wide when this shifting happens on a mass scale?

posted in Conscious Relating - 16 replies

Some may still find this useful (repost from Daily Om)

Katha — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:32:25 GMT

"You may be someone who understands the true nature of reality, perceiving deeply that we all emanate from the same source, that we are all essentially one, and that we are here on earth to love one another. To understand this is to be awakened to the true nature of the self, and it is a blessing. Nevertheless, people who just don’t get it are seemingly everywhere and, often, in positions of power. It can be frustrating and painful to watch them behave unconsciously. We all encounter individuals of this bent in our families, at work, and in all areas of public life. It is easy to find ourselves feeling intolerant of these people, wishing we could be free of them even though we know that separation from them is an illusion.

It helps sometimes to think of us all as different parts of one psyche. Just as within our own hearts and minds we have dark places that need healing, the heart and mind of the world has its dark places. The health of the whole organism depends upon the relative health of the individuals within it. We increase harmony when we hold onto the light, not allowing it to be darkened by judgment, anger, and fear about those who behave unconsciously. It’s easier to accomplish this if we don’t focus on the negative qualities of individuals and instead focus on how increasing our own light will increase the light of the overall picture.

When dealing with people who seem very unconscious, it helps to remember that every one must find their own way to awakening and that the experiences they are having are an essential part of their process. Holding them in the light of our own energy may be the best way to awaken theirs. At the same time, we are inspired by their example to look within and shed light on our own unconscious places, sacrificing the urge to judge and surrendering instead to humble self-inquiry."

posted in Conscious Relating - 2 replies

Safe and Cuddly

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 05:33:18 GMT

Now that this tribe is all warm and safe with a Deluxe Active Moderator overseeing All,

I see there are threads upon threads of people

Conscious
and
Relating.

Not.

Swear word of the day: honkyclusterfuck.

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

9 Reasons to Make Your Relationship Great Right Now!

Tanay Kumar — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 14:29:51 GMT

My number one job with couples is helping them find the motivation to really go to work on their relationships. Once I find the key to what invigorates them and makes them want to grow the rest is easy! Here's 9 reasons that spur many people on.

Affairs Hurt People

Most of us know someone who's been hurt by an affair. It might have been you. Think of one such instance.

Remind yourself of the pain it caused everyone: the betrayal, the emptiness, the lost opportunities; children that are heartbroken with delayed emotional development; partners feeling rejected and betrayed, and wondering what's wrong with them.

And, of course, there are those who did the betraying and now feel guilty and ashamed, and they can't believe the harm they've done. They, too, may wonder what is wrong with them, that they could have hurt so many.

Remind yourself of all the pain and know that it could happen to you. So, do your homework and make your relationship work now!

What You'll Wish You Had Done

Imagine yourself at age 70, 80, or 90 looking back at what you accomplished in life. Do you wish you had spent more time on the little things of life like washing dishes, watching TV, working two jobs, or cutting out coupons?

Or, will you wish you had spent more time with the family? Will you wish you had had that special time every single day with your spouse?

I know my answer. I've seen too many people regret the lost time with loved ones. Do it now! Make choices to create this relationship time in your life.

What Are You Modeling For Your Kids?

Are you modeling full, vibrant adult relationships where partners are open, honest and truly desire to spend time together? If what you are modeling now is what your kids have later in their adult relationships, is that what you desire for them? What could be better?

Some of the First Feelings Are Still There!

Remember the excitement and wonder of first love with your partner. Feel what it was like to wonder at how extraordinary that person was, and how incredible it was that he or she cared about you.

Those feelings are still there, but you're missing out on them. What a waste! Recapture them!

Know That We Are All At Risk

Be aware of divorce statistics. Where I live the divorce rate is almost 70%. The odds are against you. Get to work!

If your present relationship started with an affair realize that 75% of such marriages end in divorce. Get busy on your relationship!

The Number One Best Gift You Can Give Your Children is a Good Marriage

Children thrive when they know their parents love one another deeply. The best way to have a secure child is for mom and dad to have a secure relationship. It's as though children are emotional sponges. They soak up everything going on in your relationship. The number one best gift you can give your children is a good marriage.

Our Enemies Are Legion!

Realize that the enemies of relationships are: unawareness, ignorance, apathy, uncontrolled emotional reactivity, overfocus on "important" things like children or jobs, avoidant behavior like addictions or compulsions, and a host of other distractions that consume our time, energy and emotional attention.

Resolve to make your relationship THE important thing. And then resolve to never, ever forget it!

It's Easier Than You Think!

Developing an emotionally fulfilling, vibrant relationship isn't as hard as you may think. All it really takes is the time, commitment to engage, and perhaps a couples counselor..

You can educate yourself. You can find the time. You can change your behavior and even your attitudes. And so can your partner.

It is the most important thing you will ever do.

SEX!!!

In a deeply satisfying relationship the sex is almost always much, much better! Very few of us will argue with this benefit. Deep, fulfilling, lasting, emotional intimacy is the key to turning on that sex drive. Go for it!

And so...

The knowledge is available. The help is available. The time and energy are almost always available somehow, as well. So, I encourage you to make yourself available to accomplish one of the most rewarding and important aspects of your life. Go give your relationship everything it takes! You can do it!

posted in Conscious Relating - 3 replies

Tips to Repair a Broken Relationship

Tanay Kumar — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 14:28:46 GMT

Are there any useful tips on getting my girlfriend back? What are the steps that I should take to get my girlfriend back? What if she is ignoring me? Do I still have a good chance or is it an indication for me to give up and move on? If you are reading this article, most probably, you still want to get back together with your ex as well.

If you fell that she is the one for you and it is destined that you are to be together, don't give up. Achieving happiness should be a top priority in any person's life.

Yes, you would prefer to get your ex back. Additionally, you want your relationship to grow stronger than ever before. You do not want to go through another break up again. So, if you want to resume your relationship it is imperative you sit down and have an in depth conversation.

Don't attempt to put to much pressure on her, as it could backfire. The more recently you have broken up, the more patient you will need to be and the more slowly you will need to take things. Don't call her right after a break up. Chances are she will ignore you. You may be at a loss for words, even if you could contact her right now.

It is best for you to take at least one month to think clearly about what you really want as well as to heal your broken heart. I believe your girlfriend will also need this time for herself as well.

Now is a good period in your life to contemplate if you need to move forward without her or alone. Do not interact with her this month if at all possible. After this amount of time has passed, it is acceptable to contact her.

If she happens to be your colleague or classmate, obviously, it is impossible not to see her everyday. In this situation, you should not pretend not to see her. You don't need to talk to her if you don't want to. In fact, you will want to minimize your conversation with her. But at least, you should still say hi and be friendly whenever you see her. This will leave your door open should you decide to get your girlfriend back one month later.

Keep in mind that this is only a basic technique to start communicating with her again. Be prepared to outline a plan to get your ex back.

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

tone of voice?

waveyoga — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 12:31:03 GMT

What message does it convey to you? To others?

To me, a shrill voice says the speaker is stressed, or angry or upset.. I respond to the shrillness with either a deliberately calmer voice or sometimes with equal shrillness. I usually do nto feel good about the interaction. I respond. It often is a portent of "not good". This means nothing when I am say.. ordering a sweater on the phone.. or something much removed from my personal life. When the topic of discussion is more to my personal time, energy, relationships.. to me it is a signal that something is awry.. on the part of one of us.. not necessarily even the topic under discussion.

I am less willing to continue listening to a shrill speaker when I get that tone.

To me conscious relating .. includes much which is notin the words just typed or spoken.. the invisible factors.. implications...body posture.. even use of cellphones which distort words and fall off.. what message do we get? I still use a landline so I can be heard with full tones. It is also required to connect with equipment with my job, so I havent researched fo rcell cos. with clear reception. I sure love that clear reception.

posted in Conscious Relating - 5 replies

Casual Social Dynamics

marleyjansen — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:07:27 GMT

Whenever I take a walk, I always say "Hi" when I pass people -and most others do the same. Even when running or bicycling, people wave or nod to each other. Today, I suddenly wondered, "Why we do this?"

The majority of these passing interactions happen between total strangers. Our lives don't intersect in any meaningful way where developing relationships could be advantageous. So what's the value of doing this? Are we showing people that we're friendly so we can feel comfortable in our own skin? Are we setting a stage to feel superior when someone doesn't return the nod? Is this just basic mindless programming? What does this common courtesy actually serve or produce?

Thoughts?

posted in Conscious Relating - 18 replies

Living Well

marleyjansen — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:53:40 GMT

If you're kind to people who dial the wrong number.

If the sight of a red cardinal against a patch of snow gives you pause.

If you don't always have to be first at a four-way stop.

If you smile more than you complain.

If you still marvel at the caterpillar/butterfly thing.

If you sometimes have something to cry about.

If you can still spot a good climbing tree.

If you can share.

If you throw the little fish back.

If your heart hurts for another.

If in the silence before sleep you are filled with a sense of gratitude...

...you have a life well-lived, and you understand the gift of LIFE.

posted in Conscious Relating - 3 replies

vulgar relating

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 23:10:55 GMT

I suspect that there are folks that would suggest that using vulgar words is honest and authentic and thusly part conscious relating.

I think it is just an undisciplined mind that speaks from the amygdala and is anything but conscious.

what say you?

posted in Conscious Relating - 10 replies

Conscious Communication, by Tina Staik

Will — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 03:12:32 GMT

[Will's note: I read this over some three times before it REALLY sank in. And, BTW, I have no intention of buying anything the author has to sell on her site because IMO she says it all here and gives us a platform to share with each other about these issues.

I have parenthesized a few items because I felt they apply to more than just family relationships. I'm eager to see what others here at CR have to say.

As for me, even though a lot of what she says here is "basic" I'm still learning to put into practice much of it, especially in not being so reactive, i.e., "shooting from the hip" when someone says or writes something that sets me off because of--as I have learned to know--my own early upbringing and programming from family life. Let me know what YOU think!]

Conscious Communication
Dr. Tina Staik, Ph.D., LMFT

Your ability to communicate can be your greatest asset. In truth, the most powerful tool available to you lies in the choice of words and nonverbal behaviors you use in your relationships with those you love. It is through your exchange of words and nonverbal behaviors that you exercise your power to build—or hinder—nurturing, strong, and mutually beneficial family [and friend] relationships.

In other words, what you say and, especially, how you say things matters. Communication is often the key to unlocking the power you have to transform your life and relationships.

Why is communication a critical capacity?

Communication is critical because it is the means by which you exercise your personal power, which is both a vital human capacity and one of your core human needs. Personal power assists you to exercise your ability to make choices to live life in a way that you satisfy other core human needs, such as those for safety, belonging, love, esteem, fun, contribution, purpose, among others.

Talking signals that you want to share your experience of life with others you care about p[and would potentially like to care about], and that you want to be known, understood and recognized for the ideas, choices and unique perspective you bring. The yearning to be appreciated, loved, and valued—regardless any limitations or mistakes, or even talents and successes—is a strong impulse within each of us.

Communication is also our means of showing others we care about them, their perspective, contribution and concerns—through how we listen to their talking. Since we all share these inner values in common, knowing how to express our love and appreciation in ways that our talking and listening inspire and energize our loved ones, is really, really important.

Why Conscious Communication?

Conscious Communication is a way of talking that focuses on the protection and building of strong, nurturing relationships. The purpose of Conscious Communication is to build quality relationships in which the needs of each person are equally valued and met through natural giving. Whereas the conscious use of communication unlocks doors to getting what you want and avoiding what you do not want in your relationships—the focus on protecting one another’s dignity makes it more likely that conscious listening to one another takes place.

In contrast, unconscious or habitual ways of communicating with your family members [and others] often have the opposite effect. When we communicate reactively, out of frustration, with anger, irritability or anxiety, this tends to produce defensiveness in others, thus, our attempts to influence them, regardless how helpful we are trying to be, are met with some or much resistance.

Conscious communication involves growing our awareness of what is going on within—our inner mental, emotional and physical experience of our interactions with others. This deepening of conscious living involves growing your awareness of relationships at two levels. You seek to grow awareness of how you relate to others, and at the same time, perhaps even more importantly, you grow awareness of how you relate to…YOU. This means developing awareness of what you tell yourself in your mind (self-talk), your feelings, wants, needs, hopes, expectations, and, in turn, the connections between your self-talk, feelings and behaviors.

In truth, to achieve the balance we want and need in life, it is equally important to learn to treat self with the same respect we want to show others—as it is to treat others as we want to be treated. The more we are able to consciously treat our self, mind and body, with gentleness, the more tenderness and compassion we create in our lives. Learning to understand and pay attention to what we feel and need also allows us to generate the loving energy it takes to truly care for who and what means most to us.

The questions of how “should” versus “choose” to Live?

At this point, you may be wondering, if talking is such a “loving” activity why do you experience so much pain in your communications with those you most care about [or would like to potentially care about]? Alas, the yearning to be known and valued without conditions sets us up for possible conflicts in our relationships—simply because the “others” in our life share the same yearnings.

This in and of itself however does not produce the enormous problems we face. There is another explanation that is likely the real cause of so much pain in families [and acquaintances and friends]: Most of us have been conditioned from childhood to compare and judge ourselves and others relentlessly.

This conditioning has taught us to look at self and the world in terms of external standards of what people “should” do that determines their “worth” in terms of dichotomous labels of inferior/superior, deserving/undeserving, powerful/powerless, friends/enemies, and so on. Too many of us, on too many occasions, have learned to focus our talking (and listening!) on fault-finding, blaming, and judging types of communications—seemingly persuaded that if we can “only” convince others to “see” how wrong they are (and how right we are), all problems would be solved, and everyone will be happy.

Naturally, since being judged and evaluated does not meet our needs for acceptance, love, esteem, etc., in our relationships, this triggers certain levels of fear and anxiety accordingly. In fact, it is the “shoulds” we tell ourselves in our self-talk that fuel the intensity of negative emotions of rage, depression, anxiety and fear. As an outcome, in a fault-finding environment, the natural—and strong—impulse to be valued unconditionally expresses itself as a sensitivity to conflict, and, in extreme cases, an avoidance of conflict. (And the avoidance or withdrawal from conflict is one of the most destructive patterns in couple relationships.)

This patterned mind-set robs us of feeling like the agents of our lives, and instead we succumb to feeling like victims. Another problem with this worldview is that it keeps us so busy looking outside ourselves to others for approval as to what we “should” do that we forget to look inside. Thus, we miss out on tuning into inner resources, such as our intuition and wisdom, to develop the inner confidence and stamina we need to protect ourselves from taking what others do and say personally.

The ability to not take things personally is a vital skill to have. It supports you to maintain your calm, for example, so that you are able to give the understanding a loved one needs to regulate and heal from a painful emotional experience.

How we get our basic needs met, in essence, depends on whether we view the world. In your worldview, is there an external set of “shoulds” that you use fear, shame, and guilt to get yourself and others to do, regardless of the outcomes on your joy and relationships?

This worldview also sets us up to think conflicts as a competition. Who wins in these competitions? Of course, no one. Patterns of communication that involve blaming, fault-finding and attacking the other’s character, leave both parties feeling emotionally disconnected, detached, and drained. Even worse, it leaves persons, who intellectually “know” how much they love one another, feeling like enemies.

We need a compassionate way of talking with self and others that nurtures and strengthens our connections. The focus of change needs to be on making shifts in the way we talk to others—and ourselves.

Conscious Listening and Conscious Talking?

Conscious Communication involves both conscious listening and conscious talking.

Conscious listening is a way of listening with our heart. Often when we talk to each other, we do not listen mindfully, that is, we have not made a conscious intention to listen with our hearts to “know” and “understand” and “connect” to the feelings and yearnings beneath what we and others say and do. We may be distracted, partially listening, and partially thinking about something else. Or, it may be the case that, when we are engaged in a conflict, we are busy formulating a defensive response in our minds to what is being said. We do this because we assume we “know” the other. After all, we may tell ourselves, we have heard what this “opponent” is saying many times before, so why pay attention, when we could focus instead on how to respond so we can “win” the argument by making the other wrong, or blamed, or at fault?

Conscious talking is your opportunity to share your experience of life with others in a way that you increase the chances you will be heard and understood, in other words, in a way that will fulfill some of your core yearnings. You do this when your choice of words and body language honor the dignity of each person involved in the interaction. When you honor the need in you and others to be treated with dignity, you exercise your power to consciously protect and nurture your relationship. And, the building of a strong and secure relationship is what makes it more likely we can influence the other to respond to our requests, wants, and yearnings. Conscious talking involves the conscious use of our voice, words, touch, eye contact, and other non-verbal ways of communication, to consciously nurture and preserve the relationship.

Conscious Communication as a therapeutic tool?

If you and your loved ones [and others] find it difficult to respond to one another without habitual, automatic reactions, take heart. The reactivity is likely due to deep rooted meanings and past wounds, often stemming from childhood experiences, which are impacting your life and relationships today. The human brain does not know the difference between physical and psychological threats. How you express what’s on your mind, however, determines whether you and your family members will feel like team members or “enemies.”

Reactivity simply tells us that our brain has triggered our “fight or flight” survival response because we interpreted a situation to be “unsafe” for us. In such cases, therapy may provide life tools for individuals, couples and families to go about changing the way they communicate, consciously, at deeper levels of experience. Since automatic reactions are learned patterned responses that have formed, as a result of habitual practice, neuropathways in the brain, they can be transformed by the practice of available tools that support the development of new, more life enriching conscious responses.

Conscious Communication supports you to focus on protecting the quality of our relationships in a way in which the needs of all family members may be met through giving from a place of love and joy, rather than fear, guilt or shame. Free and open expression of thoughts and feelings is a hallmark of a healthy marriage. It is also the hallmark of healthy family relationships. When communication between members feels safe, loving, and satisfying, your relationships feel secure, gratifying and fulfilling.

http://www.drstaik.com/ConsciousCommunication.en.html

posted in Conscious Relating - 8 replies

On accusation

ShadezofDys — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 01:23:14 GMT

So I'm really quite sick and tired of the nigh unto constant back and forth accusations on this tribe. Unfortunately I don't really know how to moderate in such a way that allows some criticism of people while at the same time not having to listen to reams and reams of accusations.

Could you guys try and help me figure out a way to deal with this, because I see it as a pretty massive problem because it inhibits communication, well, at least that's my opinion.

posted in Conscious Relating - 29 replies

Signs of Defensiveness

sobey — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 18:31:42 GMT

Signs of Defensiveness

This is from a hand out recieved in the Implicit Career Search ...

Signs of Defensiveness

1. Loss of humour

2. Taking offence

3. High charge of energy in the body

4. Sudden drop in I.Q.

5. Wanting to be right ("No doubt about it")

6. Wanting the last word (rise in volume of voice)

7. Flooding with information to prove a point.

8. Endless explaining and rationalizing

9. Playing "poor me".

10. Teaching or preaching

11. Rigidity

12. Denying

13. Withdrawal into deadly silence.

14. Cynicism

15. Sarcasm

16. Making fun of others

17. Terminal uniqueness

18. "It's just my personality; it's just how I am."

19. Not wanting to negotiate

20. Sudden onset of illness of accident

21. Blaming

22. Confusion

23. Suddenly tired or sleepy

24. Intellectualizing

25. Acting crazy (the temporary insanity defence)

26. Eccentricity

27. Being too nice

28. Selective deafness

29. Attack (the best defence is a good offense)

30. Holding a grudge.

31. Trivializing with humour

32. Inappropriate giggling or laughter.

33. Sour grapes!

34. "I'm aware of that, leave me alone." (defence of awareness)

35. Addictions: alcohol, drugs, people, sex, shopping, work, gambling, chocolate,workshops.

36. Hearing only what i want to hear.

Slightly revised from list originally compiled by Ron uyet, Thompson Barton, and a cast of thousands.

posted in Conscious Relating - 22 replies

The votes are in

marleyjansen — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 07:47:53 GMT

I wrote to help@tribe.net a while ago to let them know about what's been going on with this vote. I asked them if it would help them if I created a new post on the last day of the vote so they could see it at a glance without having to sift through the numerous vote-related threads. They said this would be very helpful, so here it is -the Final Vote Tally:

Steve - 12 votes from: Paula, Dawn, Dale, Freewill, Glistenz, ".", Cathyq, Osa, Mephistopheles, Bill, Red Tux, Roar

Marley - 11 votes from: Little Lightning Bolt, Sol, Will, Bill, Shesha, Gehenna, Jonlaw, Kayaqueen, Asuka, Shadowlight, Oneinmotion

Dawn - 2 votes from: Brian, Lori

Congratulations Steve! - Looking forward to better times on this tribe :o)

posted in Conscious Relating - 220 replies

Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius

marleyjansen — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:26:22 GMT

This is happening tonight, so I hope plenty of you get to see it!

Concerning this cosmic event, it seemed appropriate to share the following given the climate here on CR of late:

"This second lunar eclipse within a month opens the door to release any left-over illusions we still harbor that life will go on as usual. Lunar eclipses energize us to shed old habits and let go of the past so that the doorways to the future can open. In the signs of Leo (the Sun) and Aquarius (the Moon) we are asked to shed our Leo pride and drama, our arrogant belief that we are the center of the universe, and turn our attention to the needs of the whole, to the group."

From: http://www.opednews.com/articles/Aquarius-Full-Moon-Lunar-E-by-Cathy-Lynn-Pagano-090731-894.html

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

the lucifer effect

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 15:24:06 GMT

<<I urge everyone to message the moderator to disinfect such malice in this tribe.>>

I think squiggly S has crossed the line of civility, and i want to bring attention to this sadism. I hope we, as a community attempting to relate consciously, deal with this evil seed without equivocation.

( http://www.ted.com/talks/philip_zimbardo_on_the_psychology_of_evil.html )

posted in Conscious Relating - 48 replies

sex and security?

SatNam — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:01:29 GMT

I was wondering recently, do some people have sex to feel secure? I know women (and men) can get some power from being 'sexy'. Is there a relationship between sex and security?

posted in Conscious Relating - 13 replies

Paging Steve

tribehelp — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 18:22:33 GMT

I'd like to make you moderator, but I can't tell which Steve is the one that's supposed to be moderator. Please identify yourself!

Thanks...

posted in Conscious Relating - 4 replies

congratulations Steve

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 07:36:24 GMT

congratulations..

and thanks

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Living vs. only not dying

rafaelO — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:43:28 GMT

"Life is occupied both in perpetuating itself and in surpassing itself;
if all it does is maintain itself,
then living is only not dying."
Simone de Beauvoir

posted in Conscious Relating - 4 replies

Polyamory in the News

Alan — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 02:32:40 GMT

What's the big wide world saying and hearing about us? Quite a lot.

How are the media presenting polyamory to your worried mom in Dubuque? Sometimes, in interesting and insightful ways.

If you haven't been keeping up with Polyamory in the News in the last four months
(http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/), here's some of what you missed:

** "Multi-Love: It's Complicated," headlines a newspaper in Chicago -- but, the article suggests, it can also be pretty darn nice.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/06/multi-love-its-complicated.html

** The folks who've organized Young Milwaukee Poly get themselves some excellent treatment on mainstream TV news.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/07/young-activists-show-how-its-done.html

** Another fine mainstream TV news report -- this one on Seattle's Terisa Greenan, her two partners, and her webcast sitcom series "Family."
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/07/local-familys-lifestyle-gets-national.html

** The Calvin Klein foursome billboard (they're not *quite* naked) raises nationwide ire. ABC News.com asks if this means polyamory is getting mainstreamed, and finds a good poly spokesperson to discuss the matter intelligently.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/06/calvin-klein-foursome-ad-and-its.html

** ABC News.com also looks at whether a drive for legalized poly marriage is coming down the pike: "Some See Polyamorous Marriage as the Next Civil Rights Movement."
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/06/polyamory-when-one-spouse-isnt-enough.html

** Governor Mark Sanford and his affair were touchy subjects for polys. Me, I saw a teaching opportunity and posted about it to the Polyamory Leadership Network; Loving More grabbed the ball and sent a press release to 150 media outlets; so far no takers; but keep an eye on Newsweek. Read all about it:
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/07/governor-mark-sanford-affair.html

** Why a duck? Poly and bestiality on Fox News; Bill O'Reilly, Glen Beck, and others go on a mini-jihad against triads, comparing them to marrying ducks and turtles.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-duck-poly-and-bestiality-on-oreilly.html

...and Gretchen Carlson tries to roast Jenny Block, who holds her own:
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/05/fox-news-pumps-triad-hysteria-jenny.html

...and don't miss the Sex with Ducks parody video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXPcBI4CJc8

** Charles Colson of Watergate fame, now a leading Christian, warns millions of evangelicals -- people *we're* never going to reach -- about loving, bonded poly groups who "walk down the street hand in hand in hand in hand." Yay!
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/05/triads-mr-and-mrs-and-mrs-or-whatever.html

** Feminist Katie Roiphe declaims on open and poly marriages in the high-fashion magazine Harper's Bazaar: "Is our idea of love perhaps too narrow, too literal, too unimaginative?... It is an act of imagination to live differently from everyone else, and maybe, in rare and magnificent moments, it works." She describes, among other setups, an early-20th-century artists' ménage on an English estate and quotes an observer of it: "a triumph of reasonableness over the conventions."
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/07/katie-roiphe-on-successful-open.html

** A TV production company holds a casting-call event in Seattle for a future poly reality show, tentatively called "Real Life Big Love." A dozen or more polyfolks show up; two report back on what happened.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/07/major-cable-network-puts-out-poly.html

** "Strong nonmonogamous relationships are much like strong monogamous relationships," writes an advice columnist for Feministing.com. "The people involved talk about their feelings, their boundaries, and where they want the relationship to go." She lays out a seven-item "checklist for nonmonogamy." Elsewhere, a different dating-advice columnist snarks at a horror date: "We were no more than two minutes into our first drink when he dropped a bomb. 'I'm Polyamorous,' he said. I coughed slightly and rolled my lychee martini around in my mouth, waiting to feel shocked or react at all, but instead I kicked into dating survival mode...."
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/06/ask-professor-foxy-am-i-nonmonogamous.html

** "Why I Hate Monogamy": OpenSalon spotlights a fiesty essay by a triumphal enthusiast for her 23-year open marriage.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/06/why-i-hate-monogamy.html

** Dan Savage on dumb therapists who don't get it, and on Tristan Taormino, who does.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/05/dan-savage-on-dumb-therapists.html

** A roundup of rather different takes on poly in the gay world (including Dan Savage again).
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/07/gay-poly-roundup.html

** "Are Bisexuals the Glue that Holds Poly Together?" With some statistics.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/04/are-bisexuals-glue-that-holds-poly.html

** An interview with Dossie Easton, co-author of *The Ethical Slut,* which is out in its second edition.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/05/interview-with-dossie-easton-ethical.html

** Poly YouTubers. With SpongeBob SquarePants.
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2009/04/poly-youtubers.html

** Plus recent poly in the media in Mexico, Argentina, Portugal, Finland, the Netherlands, and France.

------------------

Here's the site:
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com

The 10 most recent items are up front. Look in the monthly archives for more. The archives are also sorted by subject and sometimes location.

If you're on LiveJournal, here's the LJ friends feed:
http://syndicated.livejournal.com/polymedia

I've done 314 of these reports in the last four years. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I do creating them!

Happy summer,

Alan

(Crossposted)

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Forgiveness....

aschleigh — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 03:11:17 GMT

It dawned on me the other day that Forgiveness is Love. I still have some challenges with forgiveness but I'm trying. I do forgive this ex, I really do.I needed him to know what exactly I don't deserve and what I can expect in a healthy relationship. It worked out perfectly. It's something I would like to tell him but he won't talk to me. I understand a whole bunch now that I didn't when I was with him. I am trying hard to forgive my mom, she's really smart and has had a lot of time to get with it, functional relationship wise so I guess I'm not totally there with her. But she does what she can .
What do you think of the relationship between forgiveness and love? How did you get there? What do you do when you want to forgive someone who can't forgive you? Does it matter? Regardless I feel like I can forgive at the level I can right now, which is great improvement . And forgiving myself for not forgiving perfectly is good too.

posted in Conscious Relating - 15 replies

Food Issues centered Healing group forming in LA, Do you want to participate?

aschleigh — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 19:57:27 GMT

Wholeness Life coaching is a way for me to help you facilitate being the whole you. Body, Mind and soul we will work together to reach your goals. As many plans are available as their are people. You need something unique to help you towards your unique wholeness. One plan pays particular attention to food , weight, and exercise issues. Let’s explore together what got you off track and what will get you back on track to the healthiest you , you can possibly be.
Aschleigh Jensen-Eldridge 603 209 4521

WHOLENESS LIFE COACHING My plan for you ( or your group):
– Create a weekly food plan with you
– Go with you to the grocery store and show you the appropriate foods to fit you food plan
– Pick you up at work or home ( or meet you at the location) and take you to the gym for a workout or to an outdoor exercise activity (biking , hiking, swimming ( I have a pool)
– Show you exercises that burn calories and help you gain energy
-$40 per hour/ 2 hour minimum ( group prices upon request)

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

Hi gang!

TantraTao — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 18:12:36 GMT

Hi everyone,

I'm the co-founder of OneTantra, and I wanted to invite all of you to what is now becoming the hottest social network in the tantric & poly community.

OneTantra is a multi-faith, inspirational and motivational new spirituality website. Through its community and significant teaching body (over 25 core faculty instructors including Charles Muir, Mantak Chia, Deb Anapol, Michael Mirdad, etc - and over 50 workshop leaders in the adjunct program), it provides information, community and services on a wide variety of topics, and with a focus on the art of tantra, love and spiritualizing relationship. It is slowly becoming the largest and most vibrant online community in the tantra world.

OneTantra is an all-loving, all-accepting, exploratory, fun, edgy and bold place where anybody curious about, or on the path can meet, learn, grow, deepen, play and love more fully. It's the ultimate tantric learning community -- you will be blown away by the depth and spiritual beauty of the people who have already joined. Plus, the social network will blow you away - and this isn't marketing hype - there are people talking about everything from the neurobiology of tantra to ecstatic poetry to qigong to non-violent communications to sexual healing & tantric case histories to "all about amrita" and slow food and then there are all the regional groups... just about anything you can imagine. You can ask questions, learn new practices and meet like-minded others. Lots of them. It's truly a rich and fulfilling multi-conversation, all about tantra and its impact on the world.

So come to http://onetantra.com/bliss to learn more. And email me at moses@onetantra.com if you need anything. It's a paid premium social network, but we have fun work study programs and stuff so anyone can join.

We're hosting an online workshop with Mantak Chia this week!

Love & light,

Moses

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Voting Only

lori — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 00:25:04 GMT

Keep all other discussion in the other thread...please only vote here.

I'm going to throw my stick down for Dawn.

posted in Conscious Relating - 119 replies

Too Much Energy?

SatNam — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 01:39:06 GMT

My girlfriend has Alot of energy. she is 23. the men in her life have never
> been so great to her(including me in the past). never helping her feel so secure, taken care of with
> Compassion. sometimes she says she has too much energy. she is from the
> 15,000ft moutains. She is very social and gets alot of energy from friends/
> guys. So she can be very active, wants action, SEEKING excitement. I feel like venus has a strong influence on her these days. she isnt
> always content with me which i understand. I know i am very dispassionate
> after becoming a Yogi. i know in Kundalini Yoga though they say to have some passion.
> the last year she has been "doing whatever she feels"not had so many limits
> and kind of expanding very quickly Not taking care of her arua, having sex
> with other people than me, partying so much.. now i have come back into
> contact with her she is slowing down a little. Its so nice to be there
> energetically for eachother, to balance the male and female energies. just
> being there. it is vunerable and you get deeper to the root so more things
> come up than just riding on the attractive energies, but i really feel so
> much better about it. i am glad for the teachings of all the yogis and the
> Humanology of Yogi Bhajan that has helped me to understand women (a little)
> more and relationships and the basic roles better.
> i think she just wants to do something with her energy.. from my own
> experience and from observing other yogis we feel very calm, content,
> balanced, sometimes even passive. I am so grateful.i notice she doesnt feel
> this way untill she has stayed up all night almost, dancing or talking,
> drinking etc... its really nice to be there with her when she has had some
> drinks and she is really peaceful and calm- but she has some impurity
> usually then.. its not all Her energy. she doesnt wake up early and do
> sadhana, usually she is up at 8-11am.. i love being around her. its very
> nice she is such a beautiful person. Its nice too when she is more chilled
> out, more content in just Being.
> She can do sooooo much for the world, kids, poor people, young people. In
> service of our Love and the Consciousness i hope there is someway that she
> can get more into channeling her energy not just higher, but balancing all
> aspects. shes amazing, i hope reading this you might get a suggestion from
> your own experience of being a 23 year old woman with alot of energy and not
> so much guidance.
> Thank You for any insight You may have. I am really glad to see the many
> persepectives. May the Guru Bless You. Your wisdom and kindness is the
> Greatest gift.
> In Peace

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Romantic relationship in the new paradigm

Colin — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 22:53:07 GMT

We are living in transformative times there is no question about it. It seems almost everything on an external as well as internal level is undergoing radical change these days. This is an exciting, powerful and often painful process to be involved in but the potential is amazing. Many of the structures from the old paradigm including government, religion, financial and social are beginning to crumble, the weight of their dysfunction finally beginning to overpower their momentum. As these old structures break down it is important for us to engage a creative process collectively to form new systems to take their place. New systems that reflect a new era and a different level of conscious and that redefine boundaries that reflect the next level of growth we are entering into as a society.

Romantic relationship is something that I see radically shifting now and in the coming years. I’m seeing this in my own life and in the relationships of people I work with in counseling as well as on a larger scale. Relationship is a very broad term but one of the main things I see changing is people primarily relying on and engaging in traditional and monogamous forms of relationship. What I see as traditional relationship is the form of relationship that emerged out of the old era (up to and including the mid 20th century) where a connection between a man and a woman was seen to be a lifelong commitment within a patriarchal system. In the not too distant past marriages were arranged (which still happens today to some extent) and rarely involved love or personal growth. Marriages were about security and property and women had little freedom and equality in partnership. This has changed a great deal in the last few decades but we still carry the specter of the old relationship paradigm even if in more subtle forms.

The evidence is mounting that the old style of marriage and relationship is dying as we see the rise of new kinds of relationship while divorce rates increase well over 50% and surviving marriages see unprecedented issues that bring the couple to some form of counseling or intervention. Rates of satisfaction overall have been steadily declining for some time. In my view this points to the need for a shift in relationship patterns as a society. The core of what is lingering from old paradigm relationship style is what I call attachment based relationship. Even today where each partner is likely to be more independent and equal we still see emotional attachment as a disempowering force that makes people dependent, resentful and unsatisfied. In this type of pattern (which is unfortunately still the common pattern) partners seek stability, emotional fulfillment and security from their romantic relationships and in the process they give their power away to their partner believing that the source of these things lies in something external. In more extreme cases you can have a total enmeshment where each person loses their individual identity and takes on a shared identity of the partnership. This results in growth stifling dependence as each person feels incomplete internally while anxiously trying to hold onto their partner for fear of losing what they think they lack. Resentment almost always follows as the other partner is unable to live up to what is being projected onto them. No one ultimately likes being responsible for someone else’s happiness.

Today we see all sorts of alternative forms of romantic relationship such as polyamory, same sex, bdsm, non-committed partners or romantic friendships and many more. It isn’t that these types of relationships haven’t been around in the past but today they are becoming more mainstream and people are more likely to see them as alternatives to the heterosexual life-long commitment as well as a form of self expression. The box of relationship is beginning to break open as people see they can allow relationships to take different forms with different people and at different stages of their lives. As we enter a new era of consciousness and growth it is only natural that our relationship styles follow suit. When we’re able to fully develop our potential as individuals and thereby coming into full communion with our inherent power, clarity and fullness we can enter into relationship from a very different place. A place of wholeness where we don’t “need” to be in relationship to be completed or be ok rather we enter it as a way to expand our consciousness, grow and share who we are. We can also connect far more intimately with partners because being in a state of wholeness we don’t need anything from them so are free to see them for who they truly are and appreciate it fully. A relationship based on unconditional love as opposed to need and fear. If we end up being with someone for a lifetime as a monogamous partner it is something that is created new in each moment rather than something held onto for security and fear of the unknown.

I believe the key to this type of relationship is a personal spiritual connection whatever that looks like for each of us. A way to tap into the divine within so we can directly experience our natural state which is complete, free and lacking nothing. A natural state which is unconditional love itself. It is difficult to ever feel unloved when you recognize directly that there is boundless spring of pure love right within you at your heart. It is what you are and you are already always loved beyond any limit of physical relationship. Getting in touch with this spiritual heart center also includes bringing awareness to and healing to our old wounds, the parts of us that feel in need of something to complete them. We heal them simply by allowing ourselves to feel their pain openly and without resistance letting go of the old mental stories that inevitably come forth to talk us out of being present with pain. An amazing thing happens when one accepts and openly feels ones pain, a light or radiance begins to shine through it from a deeper place allowing healing to take place. It is only resistance to feeling and being present with our pain and old wounds that causes them to persist. Getting in touch with the spiritual center makes healing possible because we can see there is something deeper than our pain which is untainted by it but which contains limitless compassion for it. So ultimately relationship in the new paradigm is about first getting into true relationship with ourselves which opens the door to true relationship with others.

posted in Conscious Relating - 2 replies

taking pleasure from other's fortune

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:55:44 GMT

Poly community called it compersion..

The opposite, perhaps being jealousy or Schaddenfreude, the pleasure to see other people in misfortunes

I think this cpmpersion ability.. to take pleasure from observing someone ekse meet their needs, even while not having one's own fulfilled, is an invaluable quality. If we can cultivate this empathetic ability, our partners will be basking is such beautiful love that many great problems in relationship will be prevented and the level of intimacy and affectionate love will be at a much different plane compared to those who do not have this quality in their relationships.

there is alot to be said for honesty in relationships, but if there is compersion, i think alot of things such as honesty follows so easily.

Any thoughts?

posted in Conscious Relating - 14 replies

Contemporary expressions of wholeness....

aschleigh — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:11:20 GMT

Hey everyone it would be ever so helpful because now I'm in a class about wholeness psychology wise, if we could talk about wholeness and your take on it. But for fun let's have a tiny bit of structure, which is also homework. Please paste a link to the person/ idea of wholeness that you are talking about and then write a little about your take on it.

Let's start here :
http://docs.google.com/gview?a=v&pid=gmail&attid=0.1&thid=1224c794f2129c46&mt=application%2Fpdf&pli=1

This is indeed the first reading for my class. It is By CArl Jung. He was writing in the 40's and 50's so these ideas have been around for a long time. Jung is an interesting man because he is THE poineer of spiritual psychology. He was also going against the grain of psychology and a lot of society.
I am very into Eckardt Tolle. He is more on the spiritual side than the psychology side, but he is both. I will bring up the idea of the pain body in this thread or another because I think it pertains to wholeness greatly.
A: what do you think of the Jung article? or wholeness in general
B: What is your favorite writer about the topic
C: What is your experience of Wholeness, how did you get there, how are you getting there?
D: add whatever you think is pertinent to the conversation of wholeness.

posted in Conscious Relating - 14 replies

Ok It's time for a new mod...

gliSTenz — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 07:01:23 GMT

I have watched certain tribes deal with people who dont listen and respect others who share and they are given warnings and if they dont listen they are kicked out..
Iam tired of this Tribe's lenience in allowing Cathyq to sabotage nearly every single posting...she has no respect..or care for others here..and thinks everyone else needs to know about her pain and fear and victimhood...

I vote to have a new mod who will deal with this issue..otherwise we may as well disband this tribe...

Those interested please state your interest...

posted in Conscious Relating - 74 replies

Attacks…Conscious Relating? Please Read

nonamae_agape — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 19:47:37 GMT

I’ve recently taken time to review recent posts. I was asked to review certain posts by a few members of this tribe to take note of certain member’s posting and expression here.

What I HAVE seen is mixed…
I don’t wish to side with any one person, but would rather work together toward creating a space that everyone can benefit and enjoy.

The impression I get is that there has been a large degradation of this tribe in the way we are communicating with one another. A discussion quickly turns into power struggle, attacks/defense, and a lot of “tit for tat” (retaliation in kind).

Everyone here is at their own place in their journey. It is my intention that ANYONE at ANY PLACE in their journey feels welcome to test the waters, learn, and explore here.

Some people may just be starting to traverse the path of consciousness in relating/communication, and they may not be able to take in that they are not communicating consciously. While I think it’s helpful, and necessary for growth, to have our actions mirrored back to us…I DO think it’s important to do this from a lovingly honest, respectful, and kind place. If you feel that you are a person who is farther along in your journey of consciousness in relating and communicating then please mirror/communicate from this place.

Otherwise, it is my opinion that communication other than loving, honest, or respectful can intimidate others from exploration, or cause trepidation from new comers to post. Personally, when I visit other tribes if I see a lot of tit for tat communication I don’t participate because, for me, it is draining and doesn’t serve a purpose. So, I also think that our communication in some of the posts here could shrink our tribe so that new people may not join, and current members may leave.

I would prefer that in this tribe we refrain from outright attacking someone else’s character, especially bringing personal grievances to the table in a non-constructive way.

I’m referring to the recent post about Cathyq: The Cathyq Affair.
I DO think that part of Conscious Relating is about…well…actually relating to others, the interaction, testing waters…but there is a fine line and delicate balance in doing so. In this particular case I believe that this personal grievance should have been resolved through private messaging. We DO need to have space to work out our differences, and I DO think that others can benefit from our exchanges here…it is a fine line because a lot of the time it comes down to a personal judgment call. It’s all learning, right? ;)

I would love to steer us back to a place of coming from the heart, exploration, learning, honesty, and respect.

And, of course, I would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, and ideas about returning to this place or what I’ve said here. :)

<3 Nonamae <3

posted in Conscious Relating - 77 replies

Teach only love

lori — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 22:34:33 GMT

Is anyone familiar with this concept? I think it's most recent incarnation is a Course in Miracles. I think, and please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, the idea is that all anger, strife, conflict, etc. is an error, a mistake that reinforces our fear-based thinking, which is based upon the illusion that we are separate from each other and flawed.

And the solution for someone who is in error (afraid) is to tell them they are right. In other words, look beyond the superficial illusion and see what is truly right. I just thought we might have a unique opportunity to practice that here. Of course, it would be easy to be snarky and condescending to those we perceive as *wrong* but I think it's worth a try. Has anyone ever tried this before?

posted in Conscious Relating - 2 replies

Am I Mad, or just a Magnet for the Mad?

marleyjansen — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 08:24:26 GMT

I had this amazing night with a new interest last Sat. and we made plans for Monday. I was so high as the days and hours closed in as I thought with much gratitude for all the possibilities and new explorations that lay before us.

But then she flaked without a call or even an email! She seemed so genuinely interested in me and making those plans with me, so it didn't occur to me why she could have any second thoughts. I called every couple hours after we were supposed to meet to see if I might catch her and left a voicemail to let her know that I was concerned and wanted to know what had happened. You know how it is, cell phones go out of signal range, get lost, accidents happen... you just want to know what's up.

Two more days go by without a word from her. When I called her tonight after seeing she had deleted me from her friends list on MySpace I was surprised that she actually answered. I asked her what was going on and rather than explain why she flaked she just said she was freaking out that I had left several messages for her!?

Naturally that seemed totally unfair because really, who should be freaking out here anyway? I mean everything seemed totally cool and suddenly she's flaking out without any apparent rhyme or reason. I told her I've been around the block enough to be able to handle whatever her truth is and that it would hurt my feelings much more to not explain. I asked her if she could put herself in my shoes and relate. But she only hung up on me and that was that.

This is actually the 2nd time in the last week where a woman has shown interest in me and then completely reversed her stance for no apparent reason, without explanation, and then treat me like I'm crazy just for asking what's up.

So I have to ask, does anyone have an idea what's up with that?

Does anyone have a little trouble not feeling some degree of concern, disappointment, frustration and confusion when things like this happen to them?

Yes, I can think to myself that theoretically this is just the way the Universe may be protecting me from getting involved with the wrong types.
...In talking with my housemate tonight we laughingly agreed that I just attract people whether they're good for me or not, and I just have to learn to assert my boundaries and say "No thank you". But it's hard to deflect the dark ones when they're so damn hot and coming on strong ;)

Any tips on how I can start attracting women into my life who are healthy in both body & mind?

I'm in that horrible place of doubt where I'm feeling like either something's wrong with me or that I'm just a Nut-Magnet.

posted in Conscious Relating - 44 replies

Best healing song ever...

aschleigh — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:42:48 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQWbaT5uHDE&feature=related

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

Obesity as a consciousness issue...

aschleigh — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:01:17 GMT

Now that I am addressing my food issues head on I am seeing how important they are to my spiritual growth. I also see how many people are suffering from obesity. It's not just the length of life but the day to day quality of life that I'm noticing. I feel really energetic and clearer when I'm eating more balanced. It's like a drug addiction. The "bad" foods that make people fat': simple carbohydrates: pasta, rice, breads, they get turned into sugar the same way alcohol does. But in a "bad" way that the fruits and vegetables don't get broken down. ( this is the Zone plan or Barry Sears philosphy, and it's working for me) So it works on the same addictiveness that alcoholics are working on. Plus it masks feelings of unworth or pain basically. And dealing with pain in constructive ways is a spiritual issue if ever there was one.
Also food like alcohol taken in larger than needed qualities seem to work like a depressant. It's a terrible cycle of eating and depression about the eating and eating more. And look around, how many people do you see doing that in your life?
What are your thoughts about weight, food, energy, health? Do you see it as a spiritual issue in your life?

posted in Conscious Relating - 3 replies

A real basis for conscious relating....

Will — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:42:53 GMT

Excerpted from a quote I made on another thread here, here's is the core of what Pema Chodron writes about conscious relating:

"As we become more wholehearted in this journey of gentle honesty, it comes as quite a shock to realize how much we’ve blinded ourselves to some of the ways in which we cause harm. Our style is so ingrained that we can’t hear when people try to tell us, either kindly or rudely, that maybe we’re causing some harm by the way we are or the way we relate with others. We’ve become so used to the way we do things that somehow we think that others are used to it too.

It’s painful to face how we harm others, and it takes a while. It’s a journey that happens because of our commitment to gentleness and honesty, our commitment to staying awake, to being mindful. Because of mindfulness, we see our desires and our aggression, our jealousy and our ignorance. We don’t act on them; we just see them. Without mindfulness, we don’t see them.

The next step is refraining. Mindfulness is the ground; refraining is the path. Refraining is one of those uptight words that sound repressive. Surely alive, juicy, interesting people would not practice refraining. Maybe they would sometimes refrain, but not as a lifestyle. In this context, however, refraining is very much the method of becoming a dharmic person. It’s the quality of not grabbing for entertainment the minute we feel a slight edge of boredom coming up. It’s the practice of not immediately filling up space just because there’s a gap."

What does that say about material here that is spewed out, negative, and energy-draining drama? What does that suggest about aiming at being truly more proactive?

posted in Conscious Relating - 12 replies

your advice please!

Seeker — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 20:42:52 GMT

Hello,
I am not new to tribe, but I have started an anonymous profile so I can get some advice without revealing my identity.

Here goes: I have been with my partner for 6 years. We have lived together for just more than 4. We had a rocky beginning, but his loyalty and incredibly deep love for me continued to win me over, despite my urges to run away. He has always been not only supportive, but actively encouraging of my bisexuality, and I never thought I would leave him for another woman. Until now that I've completely fallen in love with one.

This is such bad timing. We just bought a house together last fall, and I feel like such a shit for not wanting the same life path as him anymore. I'm really afraid of how he'll react, and I'm having panic attacks because I feel like I am going to ruin his life. He says that he thinks we're soul mates and he wants to be with me forever. He knows that this woman and I are attracted to each other, and so he's keeping track of my whereabouts at all times, and trying to make me promise that I won't see or speak to her anymore. Which I simply cannot do!

How can I compassionately separate? How can couples "consciously relate" during difficult times like this? Will he hate me for the rest of his life? I've thought about this long and hard enough to know that this isn't some passing crush, but how can I know for sure that I won't eventually regret leaving him?

Initially I thought I'd wait until the fall to get honest with all this, but he's already feeling that I'm pulling away, and he's taking it personally like he's doing something wrong that making me feel this way for someone else. Should I wait a few more months to see if something changes, or should we face the music now?

posted in Conscious Relating - 19 replies

If what I've seen here in the last few days are examples of "Conscious Relating"

Will — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 17:23:26 GMT

I'd hate to see what unconscious relating is!

posted in Conscious Relating - 22 replies

I feel so alone

4dglasses — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:58:19 GMT

And I know everyone is going to give me all these pointers... and all of this love yourself stuff.. I do love myself..

I just have isolated for so long.. and really I am just making a statement..

I am sad, I feel that the people in my life can't even possibly see how amazing I really am.

I just want to be happy and resonate with loving beings such as myself.

I really want to find someone that I can love on every dimension.

It's just been so long, and I'm just so sad.

posted in Conscious Relating - 33 replies

EMERGENCY! PLEASE HELP!

tydye — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:49:04 GMT

Ohh My god, Ang was drivving home after not seeing each other for 7 weeks, and she pulled over 45 miles into her trip because she was not feeling well and woke up on the cancer floor of the best hospital in San Francisco. She may be dying. Damn it I need that Blood I was asking for. If You dont know your blood type PLEASE FIND OUT! A Life depends on it, we need A/B NEG O NEG will not work, but thanx for your help. If you can donate blood and help save my fiance's life please goto the nearest red cross and donate to Angela Rich at Mnt. Zion Hospital in SF, Ca. I gotta go to her now. PLEASE HELP! Even if it is just a prayer!

or call Ty for more info 541.515.1157

posted in Conscious Relating - 12 replies

Dopamine & Serotonin

marleyjansen — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:38:24 GMT

I've been reading this book by John Gray for the past few days titled "The Mars & Venus Diet & Exercise Solution", and it's been incredibly illuminating with regards to the various experiences of energy I've encountered both in myself and in my relationships. This book basically focuses on the roles of Dopamine and Serotonin in our body and mind, how these differ between men and women, and what things we can eat, do, and even say that influence these primary neurotransmitters.

Just knowing how to see most of one's experiences and interactions as the interplay of these two, and how to appropriately respond to them, is incredibly empowering! For years I experienced this inexplicable "fog" in my head. It came and went without any apparent rhyme or reason. Sometimes it was affected by what I ate, or by certain activities, but I didn't know why. It wasn't until I read this book that I found the keys to unlock these mysteries -and I can't begin to tell you how this knowledge has benefitted me in so many ways! It's like being reborn, and all my potential is now available to me! I encourage everyone now to read this book as I feel it is perhaps the most essential, relevant, and practical book out there today!

I invite your stories about your own experiences and experiments in the management of Dopamine & Serotonin, how these have affected your life and relationships, and especially what you've found in Gray's book that you'd like to cite and illustrate.

One thing I'd like to point out is how the book goes into the role of amino acids and cleansing the liver to optimize the dopamine & serotonin levels in our brain. Gray refers to this clinic in Mexico where drug addicts experience a quick release from their cravings through intravenous amino acid supplementation. Before I read further, I went to the website for that clinic to see more about this and I contacted them to ask what they recommend in terms of foods that one can use instead of IV supplementation to achieve the same results. I went back to reading the book, and found that in the next paragraph, John writes about how he had the same question in his mind, and that after doing a lot of research and experimentation, he found the answer with the Isagenix Nutritional Cleansing program -which just so happens to be what I've been using since November 2006, although I haven't been consistent enough with it to achieve the results he writes about. How ironic! I've done the program a couple times now and have consistently had wonderful results -particularly by doing 2 cleanse days in a row. Now my goal is to keep this program a regular feature in my lifestyle to see how things go over the coming months. I know that I have a lifetime of habits and neural programming to modify and that it will be a gradual process. I encourage everyone to experience this for themselves and invite you to begin by watching this 15 minute video by my friend and colleague Dr. Becky Natrajan at http://sunyata.isagenix.com/us/en/areyoutoxic.dhtml

I've had lots of experience in adjusting the program to work with people's various needs and schedules, so I encourage those interested in exploring this for themselves to get in touch with me so I can make this an easy and enjoyable experience!

posted in Conscious Relating - 4 replies

Apologies: Conflict and Clinging

PaulaC — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 18:26:48 GMT

My apologies for deleting the Tyrrany Through Victimhood thread. Rather than being a discussion of generality, it became a focus on conflict and clinging to past conflict specifics. I will be happy to repost sans conflict and clinging if everyone so requests it.

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

Deep Humble Apologies To All Members of this Tribe...

nonamae_agape — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 21:40:47 GMT

To Everyone of this Tribe:

I truly genuinely and most authentically apologize for my absence and letting my duties as a moderator slip here on tribe.

I would like to explain...
I have been dealing with a lot of chaos in my life in the past year which has limited my time for much of my online socializing. Last year I was finishing my grad year in NY, and mentoring students which took a lot of my time. My marriage was vacillating between near divorce and stability. I was also injured in a subway mishap/accident (not deathly) but I was not able to walk for about 1/2 a year, which brought its own lessons and stresses. I've also been building a new business, and this has taken an enormous amount of soul digging and "sweat n tears" only to have to scratch where I was going and start from square one to come more directly from my heart.

I don't say all of this to excuse my absence. I would just like you all to know that I have not just abandoned my duties to go off and play.

I wish that I would have been WAY more mindful about dividing my time and VERY MUCH MORE conscious about tending to this tribe. I am truly sorry for that.

I would like to rectify the situation, mend, heal, move forward...and I am evaluating the possibility of choosing another moderator Though I feel that it will take time, as I do not wish to just hand it over to anyone. I have taken time this morning to arrange my schedule to be on tribe at least once a week (to check posts, and to contribute)

I hear your frustrations, and of course your feelings are valid. I welcome conscious feedback/suggestions, I would like to hear what you would love to see, and together work towards a place where we all feel comfortable and safe to express.

I am opening my heart out to you all, and standing here naked in my loving vulnerability. Please mind your comments and make sure that they are constructive. :)

Please also use your judgement...IF you would like to express things to me that are more of a private nature or a 1 on 1 conversation with me...PLEASE private message me. Let's not lay our dirty laundry out to dry here. ;)

Loving warmth,
Nonamae

PS - It has been brought to my attention that there are certain individuals whose contributions to this tribe are making it uncomfortable for others to express themselves. These situations are being dealt with.

PPS - There is one thread in particular "Shadow Boxing" which I tried deleting, but my couldn't do from my computer. I have gone in to manually delete the thread responses until I can go to another computer to delete it. Please know that, I believe, it is NOT respectful to bring personal private messages to air out here. If you have been private messaged it is because one of the parties wishes for it to remain between the two of you. Please respect other's boundaries and privacy. I am dealing with this issue. ANY responses about this subject should from this point forward be dealt with in PRIVATE messages with me as I do not wish to continue this negativity on the tribe. THANK YOU very much for your patience and cooperation.

posted in Conscious Relating - 22 replies

Love, Fear, changing the Thermostat.......

aschleigh — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:06:44 GMT

I saw this in my inbox this morning
"I realized earlier this year something that was hard to admit.

I'm scared of love.

Or, I should say, there's a part of myself that finds it terrifying.

It's frustrating, because to me love is the most powerful, devastating, and wonderful force in the universe--and there's nothing I'd like more to give myself over to. Even so, every time I think I've gone as far as I can go in becoming available and open to the feeling of really and truly being loved, I find some timid little area of my heart that's resisting.

"You don't deserve it," comes the whisper.

Maybe you can relate. :)"

And with Tom's post on another thread about raising ( changing ) our thermostat in regards to success and love and intimacy.
So,
Why is it so diffucult to be loved? What does it mean to you to be loved? When someone loves you how do you feel? ( Obvisously there are many advantages to being loved) What are the disadvantages, why do people run from it?

posted in Conscious Relating - 2 replies

New paradigm relationships, men and women consciously relating....

aschleigh — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:02:30 GMT

Ok, so I'm not even interested in bashing men. The way things are not conducive to healthy, vulnerable displays of manhood. I want to come at it from a cultural perspective. We still live in a patriarchical society. Men make more money. Exceptations for men and women are different in our society, etc..
And I'm a pretty smart, independent ( basically) women who does my own thing and isn't looking for anyone to complete me . I'm looking for an eqaul partner ( even if they make more money and I do more of the childrearing, it's still a partnership ) And it's amazingly difficult to find this it seems. Betty Freidan wrote the feminine mystique in like 1950 and have things changed that much?
And it's me who has changed for sure. In general I have felt this pull in relationships with men to conform and accomadate to them. Like they are the center of the world and it's my job to change. And I do change but then I change to a point of feeling like I am losing myself and that's not ok .
I also go to a grad school, and live in LA and I see so many smart, ambitious, women who are single. And I wonder why. These are women I would date if I dated women, which is how I know it's not just me.
( it's a whole other can of worms that I tend to date causcasion men and I am not caucasion) . Anyway , how aware of this stuff are people do you think? There are some very enlightened men who are very much trying to be conscious . I just noticed that when I was at the agape spiritual center , which gives me hope weekly. I actually figured out that there are men who are not willing to have an unequal partner. And that a women who is holding out for that, because nothing less makes sense, IS the women they are looking for. So I'm optimistic. And I am blowing off men left and right who talk but don't listen. Who are not taking my opinion into consideration when planning a date, etc..
I also am getting older and having more of myself that I don't want to compromise. Dating is somewhat easier when one does not know who they are or what they want. Then more people are accpetable, they may be the right one for that time. I'm almost sure someone isn't right in the first date or so, especially if he goes on about himself with little to no questions about me ( which I find common) .

I also notice lots of women with money and purpose ( oprah, madonna, Eddie Falco , etc..) women who are into what they do it seems more than any particular man, they stay unmarried, get divorces or just adopt and have ( it seems ) lots of autonomy . So much of marriage and relationships is based on money ( and resources and securing these into the future) . Because when people have our own money, we don't need to compromise as much.
Whatever this is a huge conversation topic, please discuss anything that comes up for you.
.

posted in Conscious Relating - 2 replies

What are you afraid of?

lori — Sat, 30 May 2009 13:29:23 GMT

When you meet someone and feel a connection, do you find yourself pulling back, feeling cautious? If you do, what are you afraid of?

Being hurt? Rejected? Getting in over your head? Making commitments prematurely? Being judged?

Relationships are the original *ecstasy and agony*, or they can be, but do they have to be? There is nothing quite like the rush of feeling a first sense of intimate connection with another human being. I had almost forgotten the sweetness and intensity of that feeling, it's no wonder people become addicted to it. And in a classic Buddhist storyline, the moment I felt it, I wanted it again, and was afraid to lose it.

But I think that feeling, the power of it, came from opening up my heart to another human being, it's the power of an open heart that is really magical, and is that really about the other person, or is it about us? I think it is and it isn't.

Some people do seem to fit in a way that can cause us to spontaneously open (before our fears jump in and dampen our enthusiasm) but I don't know that we necessarily have to depend upon other people for that experience of opening, at least I am hoping not.

posted in Conscious Relating - 5 replies

Call to Moderator

waveyoga — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 18:45:34 GMT

tribe is keeping an eye on things and wanted to know if we need to have an election

posted in Conscious Relating - 21 replies

How to help those who are hurting?

gliSTenz — Fri, 22 May 2009 21:30:40 GMT

Iam saddened by the suicide of another tribe member Sunshine who took her own life recently...
I know some approached her when she was acting weird here as they sensed something must have been up with her meds...
She assured them she was fine and so of course they didnt know and what with the cyber world who really knows how someone is doing unless they divulge...
I know at least 6 people that have taken their lives and as always the questions are asked how could we not know?People must be very good at hiding how they are really feeling or perhaps cannot admit themselves to others they so dont want to be here...
I wish we could help with this more...

Sunshine may you have sunshine on your face and back and I hope your heart is bright and filled with love and deep peace...many thoughts for her family...free fly Sunshine....you are an angel...

posted in Conscious Relating - 12 replies

Amazing Course on Energetics and Relationship

juliatwelve — Tue, 26 May 2009 18:09:08 GMT

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• Learn the basics of your energy system and its capacity to enhance or inhabit communication in relationship
• Discover practical ways to turn the force of attraction 'on' in your life and end patterns of loneliness
• Understand how the signals you send in energy either entice you to choose unsuitable partners or help you attract healthy mates
• Keep passion and charge alive in your marriage or long term relationship
• Experience intriguing lectures, special features, and training exercises

This is a stand-alone course, as well as fulfills the prerequisite required to attend "Unleashing Wild Attraction"--an ongoing relationship study group with Paul Richards.

Please contact the Senté Center for more details: http://www.sentecenter.com or 541-482-7182

Thank you!
Julia

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Hurting men's feelings...

aschleigh — Wed, 13 May 2009 22:15:49 GMT

I have only realized lately how much I probably have hurt the feelings of the men in my life. I think I've had this attitude ( certainly not totally my fault) from society that men can handle things . I know I have had sex with men without caring about their feelings ( they didn't necesarrily care about mine either) . Men are really vulnerable in some ways. Men don't tend to say " that hurt my feelings" . Or " I deserve my feelings to be taken into account here" . I've said some mean things in arguments. I was trying to hurt their feelings because I felt so hurt myself. But I realize that men are really hurt by women. often their mothers ( IE way before I eneter the picture )Maybe men will speak up more now. Do you think men who are more aware of their feelings and more likely to speak up ? Do you think society is creating more spaces for men to epxress themselves?

posted in Conscious Relating - 57 replies

Reimagining our conscious relating...

aschleigh — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:09:13 GMT

I see some topics, frustration with this tribe and new mod needed. Perhaps some brainstorming is in need.

I wonder if we as a tribe need to reimagine our conscios relating. Why do we consciously relate? Are most of us already consciously relating? What is the purpose in this ? What do we have once we have the conscious relating down pat? How does this trice facilitate this purpose? What do we need as tribe members to feel good about coming here?

posted in Conscious Relating - 56 replies

Just Kindness Thread

PaulaC — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:26:31 GMT

Challenge: Let's try to post just kind things on this thread. Just to have a leat one place to take a needed break.

There are good things and good people in the world.

Here's an example: "Hairstylist offers work pro bono"
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=%2Fc%2Fa%2F2009%2F05%2F11%2FBUL717FRDL.DTL

" Twenty-five years ago, Iranian immigrant Manijeh Kazemi was a single working mom trying to hold onto her waitressing job at Denny's in South San Francisco. She was new to the United States, learning the language, caring for her toddler son and pleading with her landlord to give her a few more days to pay the rent. Pampering - whether getting her hair, nails or makeup done - was a thing of the past.

Today, Kazemi, who is 51 and lives in San Jose, is trying to help those who are struggling as she once did. She has rented a station in a hair salon in Los Gatos and is offering free hair cuts, color and styling to men and women in need. "

posted in Conscious Relating - 5 replies

Living love's depth through you

aschleigh — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 23:05:41 GMT

I was journaling the other day and what I really want is to feel the depth of love, the depth of love( spirit) as experienced, lived through me. I can feel that on my own daily , these days. But I also want to feel it expressed through a relationship and they are also feeling the depth of their love through us.

What do you think about that? How do you feel about living love's depth through you? WHat do you think that looks like, entails, requires of you? If that something you want to experience?

posted in Conscious Relating - 10 replies

Poly Living West conference, May 29-31 in San Francisco

Alan — Wed, 13 May 2009 11:49:55 GMT

I've attended several of Loving More's polyamory conferences and can't speak highly enough of them.

Coming up soon is Poly Living West, being held in San Francisco May 29-31, full of good workshops. (Prices go up after May 15th). If you can make it, I highly recommend it. More info:
http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/tools/view_newsletter.php?newsletter_id=1409923919

Cheers,

--Alan M., Polyamory in the News
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

New Mod needed

waveyoga — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:13:38 GMT

NoNmae has not returned.
Tribe said we coudl begin a proces sif she did not return in a few weeks.

She said she would in a few days.
It has been 8 weeks.

posted in Conscious Relating - 4 replies

How to heal after a distress-event occurs in a relationship ; heal ourselves & offer healing and caring to our other ...

caverly — Wed, 13 May 2009 05:16:18 GMT

i was part of an unpleasant interaction 2 months ago and i still yearn for understanding on how to best heal
it with the people who were involved. SO , i share with you my simple&complete solution in that i wish it may
contribute to your joy&love and experiencing the most wonderfulness of your relationships :-}

{The dialogue is simple and to the point and is designed to heal-the-other {by the energy of our Caring }.. Our questions do relate to
the "issue-situation" but we are only interested in hearing them out and showing our caring ; we listen as if we are
not even the person they are talking about or pained-with. We have single minded focus on hearing and supporting them}.

1. Did you have an experience that felt bad ?

2. Was it different than what you wanted?

3. How was it different from what you hoped for ?
For you ? For everyone ?

4.What could anyone have done to make the situation more wonderful ?

5. What could you have done to make it better ?

6. What conscious readjustments can you make in the future to make these challenging
situations glow with love rather than burn with an inner fire ?

i am so thrilled to write this out {after 2 months of gestation } and if it serves you well ,
i am Happy ...

Namaste.

How do you move forward in these situations ? been successful , learned some paths-of-solution , and lived
merrily ever after :-} hug you

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

healing past abuse

gehenna — Fri, 08 May 2009 19:45:03 GMT

we all know that wounds we carry from our past make us more sensitive -or even confused- about the present. holding onto our pain unconsciously robs us of energy we need for the present, keeps us from moving forward, sabotages our lives and more particularly our relationships.

this thread is an invitation to learn how to use our triggers to notify us of our "unfinished business", find ways to heal past wounds, and share support so we can better grow and make our lives all the more blessed.

i'd like to offer this resource for supporting sexual abuse survivors i found in glamour magazine today from the article on mariska hargitay:

http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/

i particularly invite inspiring stories of how past abuse was healed and how you created a more empowered and joyful life as a result of this challenging, often fearful work.

posted in Conscious Relating - 12 replies

Frustrated with this tribe.

perpetual_Dawn — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:40:06 GMT

Hey guys,

I'm posting this because I need you to know that Tribe.net is having difficulty keeping members around as is and this tribe has been overrun by hatemongers for too long. I don't know who started it, nor do I understand why or how it continues, but every bit of it's awful and I have lost my patience to just witness this. This place has been defiled for months, derailing every thread that could be meaningful to everyone quickly into the same spat.

Cries for help unheeded. Too busy, too angry, too caught up in our own shit.
Wasn't this about sharing?

I'm sad that every time I find a place to actually express my feelings in this world, or read others who feel safe enough to express them, that it turns into a tit-for-tat divide and conquer strategy that is all too common in our Western dialogue. It brings back the need for our protectionist strategies and our repressions. Every word begins to re-validate the hurts ones tries to heal.

The need to protect communities like this are real. This has proved it and I've seen it many times, in many ways, but fighting for entertainment purposes is a far cry from conscious relating, creating empathy and compassion. The few tribes I know that censor are the only safe places who remain that way. The soft idea that freedom of speech should be granted on all platforms forgets that what it really means to have free speech: That the dominate get the table to speak, while others get hidden in the shadows.
Does it mean we should quash some speech?
we have hate speech laws for a reason.

But at this time, I will be honest when I say conscious relation has failed here.
You will lose members,
and every time I watch this happen
I lose hope.

there is a small chance to save it.
But your on a dying platform,
on a nearly dead tribe.

Change is onto better things, I suppose.
as another one bites the dust.

posted in Conscious Relating - 30 replies

old & new paradigm relationships?

margonaut — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:40:36 GMT

even if the idea of "channeled" information seems flaky to you, there may be some good concepts within

http://iasos.com/metaphys/3d-4d/

posted in Conscious Relating - 2 replies

Of Abundance and Suffering

marleyjansen — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:03:44 GMT

I just posted this on the Energy Awareness tribe, but I hope no one minds since this is for those of you who aren't on that one.

I pulled this from "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" by T. Harv Eker and found it a grounded, sensible example of how the energy of Abundance works:

"Imagine you're walking along the street with a five-year-old. You come across an ice cream store and go inside. You get the child a single scoop of ice cream on a cone because they don't have any cups. As the two of you walk outside, you notice the cone wobbling in the child's tiny hands and, all of a sudden, plop. The ice cream falls out of the cone onto the pavement.

"The child begins to cry. So back into the store, and just as you're about to order for the second time, the child notices a colorful sign with a picture of the 'triple scooper' cone. The child points to the picture and excitedly screams, 'I want that one!'

"Now here's the question. Being the kind, loving, and generous person that you are, would you go ahead and get this child the triple scooper? Your initial response might 'sure'. However, when considering the question a little more deeply, most of our seminar participants respond, 'No'. Because why would you want to set the child up to fail? The child couldn't handle even a single scoop, how could the child possibly handle a triple scoop?

"The same holds true when it comes to the universe and you. We live in a kind and loving universe, and the rule is 'Until you show you can handle what you've got, you won't get any more!' You must acquire the habits and skills of managing a small amount of money before you can have a large amount."

This comes from a section that I summarize as: "Manage what you have so you can earn what you want".

Eker says that "the single biggest difference between financial success and financial failure is how well you manage your money."

Next, Eker says, "Many people don't like to manage their money, because, first, they say it restricts their freedom, and second, they say they don't have enough money to manage."

Eker shows the irony of such thinking when he says, "As for the first excuse, managing money does not restrict your freedom --to the contrary, it promotes it. Managing your money allows you to eventually create financial freedom so that you never have to work again. To me, that's real freedom."

As for the 2nd excuse, Eker likens it to saying "I'll start exercising and dieting as soon as I lose twenty pounds."

The point of all of this is that a lot of people wish they had more money. They're asking the universe for more, but like the child in the story, most people aren't managing the money they have now, so why would the universe want to give them more when the habits they have now with their money will just operate on a larger scale and result in the same complaining?

I don't want to sell you short with this one example of a fabulous book that uncovers many other principles that work financial energy as well as energy in other forms in our life.

Another example that immediately comes to my mind that relates to how we manage the energy flow in our lives is in friendship and love. Many people wish they had more love and friendships in their life, but they don't want to give it unless they get it first. There's an old saying "To have friends you have to BE a friend". Just the same, to receive love, you have to give love -however, with this last thought, I would add that in order to receive love, we have to not just give love, but give love to ourselves! That is, we have to accept that we deserve to receive love.

I say this because many people think they have to give love to get love, but because they don't believe they deserve love themselves, they find that more often than not, they give love to others and don't receive it in kind. This is because they don't realize that they unconsciously believe they don't deserve love. This generally arises from a kind of vicious Martyrdom complex that began with them giving something out of love, and not getting something back which hurt them -but only because they didn't realize they had an expectation to receive in return.

Unconscious to their expectation and how it lent to their feeling hurt, they naturally want to salve their pain by creating something to feel good about. They create a story about how "good" they are for giving -and even *better* than the other person who didn't give in return. Here we have Self-Righteousness -which requires looking down on another. This is all sourced from not realizing our Abundant nature -which of course we get from the universe. This is how we "steal" energetically from another to artificially feed our Self -which we only do because we managed to "unplug" from the Source of all the Love and energy we need. And because this separation usually happens unconsciously, we don't know better.

So while I'm opening all of this up for thoughts, I'd like to direct the focus onto how we can become aware of how we're "stealing" from others -Present and Past; how to track down where we lost our connection to Source, and how to re-establish that connection to break this cycle of mutual suffering.

posted in Conscious Relating - 11 replies

What is your vsion of love?

aschleigh — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 00:06:28 GMT

I have this vision of true love as a love that pierces right through a person. It sends out a wave from deep within and goes right to and then through the other person. It eminates from one soul and goes through the other person's personality, their layers right to their soul.
It isn't a possesion, like it doesn't belong to one person. It starts in the "soul" realm, or another place entirely and moves through me toward certain people, places, concepts, etc.. It isn't mine to keep. I let it move through me, express through me. And in that way it is me.

It also is dangerous and radical because it doesn't even know about personality and this-worldly things. It isn't marriage. It will bring up all that is not love around it. It is more than this life, it transcends death and time and space. And it is the most powerful force on this earth. It powers evolution. It is what everything is ultimately made of. It is all there is.
What is your vision of love?

posted in Conscious Relating - 7 replies

Judgement and criticism....

aschleigh — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:50:17 GMT

( I'm about to ramble , just to warn you ) I'm reading a book called Many lives, many masters. It is written by a psychiatrist who says that a lifetime ( a child's life) of negative input; judgement, criticism , complaining atmosphere , can have the same cumalitive effect of a single traumatic incident in a person's life. It's an interesting way to look at it, one single event of trauma has the same effect of ( lesser) but daily trauma.
I was verbally abused close to daily for my childhood, in fact my mom is ragefully verbally abusive still. Although I don't see her much.
And I am more aware of the effects now of that kind of jidgement and critisism and the effect it has had on my life. I know now that I don't need to tolerate that abuse in my life, but of course as kid living in that situation I didn't know.
Have any of you deal with the effects of verbal abuse particualarly judgement and criticism? How have you healed? Do you consider it abuse even? Have you confronted the people in your life that have abused you in this way? What was their reation?

posted in Conscious Relating - 2 replies

self-love quotes ... discussion...

aschleigh — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:08:48 GMT

"You can know as much of yourself as you are willing to love."

"You can love as much of another person as you love of yourself. "

What do you think of these quotes, do they ring true for you?

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

Inexperienced co-worker

lori — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 20:49:49 GMT

I'm in an interesting situation with a much younger guy for whom I have little affinity. We are both interns in a fire monitoring program, he is starting out on his career and I am changing careers, so we are both being trained in a field new to us. However, I have a great deal of related experience as well as a great deal of work experience in general. I get the impression that he has never really worked independently, that he has been a follower much of his life.

I am the lead in our team but I prefer to work with people on an egalitarian basis as much as possible, so I would like to encourage him to take initiative, be well-informed about the work we are doing, etc. I want to be positive with him but........

I don't like him, I think he's a bit passive-aggressive and a bit of a blamer...but does that mean I can't have a positive relationship with him? Or that I can't have a positive impact on him?

How do you deal effectively with someone you really don't like very much? It's weird because I like *most* people but this guy feels like a kid in a 28 year old mans body. He's the kind of guy I would normally stay a million miles away from so I could use some suggestions on how to approach this more positively.

posted in Conscious Relating - 6 replies

Ego, Narcissism, Denial.....Consciousness?

PaulaC — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 06:49:01 GMT

I will try to keep this as simple as possible.

I have seen patterns in people who I have come in contact with, wherein they struggle with a common negativity. A pattern of significant others, jobs, or even friends. One where it happens over and over. I have seen them blame everyone else and claim some sort of unjust, thematic fate . Sometimes this cry of injustice is overt, sometimes subtle or even unconscious. On a few occatsions I have attempted to engage in conversations with them, trying to ask questions that might shed light on the potential for a more internal locus of control. More often than not, the individual was not open to that possibility, but sometimes they are.

Even when a person tries to find the root of the pattern, it may be so unconsciously engrained, that it is near impossible to root out and change for the better.

For my part, there are negative patterns in my life. I meditate on them. I excogitate on improvement. I am not perfect, but I try to improve, though I will admit I do not cling to perfection. In some ways I find this to be too ego motivated.

Do you feel that there are negative patterns in your life? If so, do you take some responsibility for them? Do you take all responsibility? None? Why? What do you do to try to reveal the roots of these patterns if they exist?

posted in Conscious Relating - 9 replies

Views on Altruism

lifeislearning — Sat, 01 Jul 2006 15:21:29 GMT

From Wikipedia altruism is described as:

"Altruism is an ethical doctrine that holds that individuals have an ethical obligation to help, serve, or benefit others, if necessary at the sacrifice of self interest. Auguste Comte's version of altruism calls for living for the sake of others. One who holds to either of these ethics is known as an "altruist."

"Friedrich Nietzsche held that the idea that it is virtuous to treat others more important than oneself is degrading and demeaning to the self. He also believed in the idea that others have a higher value than oneself hinders the individual's pursuit of self-development, excellence, and creativity. [6] For Nietzsche altruistic love was fabricated by the weak for the weak. It masks self-poisoning resentment about individual and collective powerlessness. Critics like Roderick Hindery respond that Nietzsche's own assumptions about domination by self-interest and the "will to power" are gratuitous and ideological." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism_%28ethical_doctrine%29

"Advocates of altruism as an ethical doctrine maintain that one ought to act, or refrain from acting, so that benefit or good is bestowed on other people, if necessary to the exclusion of one's own interests (Note that refraining from murdering someone, for example, is not altruism since he is not receiving a benefit or being helped, as he already has his life; this would amount to the same thing as ignoring someone)." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism

**********************************************************************
Is acting in such a way a sign of weakness or is it better to 'do un to others as you would like done to yourself?' I often find myself reminding clients to take care of themselves, by saying 'your no good to anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first.' Is this really true? Does it have to be first or could it be concurrent? Are you really degrading yourself by putting the needs of others first? Is it possible to put the needs of other's first without finding personal pleasure in doing service for others? Would finding such pleasure be wrong?

Let's discuss. I remember many very involved discussions regarding this topic in my Sociology class when I was in college.

posted in Conscious Relating - 24 replies

Nonamae...

gliSTenz — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 08:36:06 GMT

Wishing you much healing energy and support...I do hope you have some kind fairies that will help you when needed..
We are thinking of you here and send loving prayers your way..

In the endless verdant garden of Love.
Sorrow and joy are not the only fruits
Love lies higher on the tree than these two
remaining through all seasons
green and fresh....

rumi...

posted in Conscious Relating - 5 replies

Merging, poison and relationships.....

aschleigh — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:57:00 GMT

I had this thought recently. When I am discovering that I love someone I have this strong desire to merge with them, physcially, emotionally, spiritually. I also am noticing in my self and others how much we poison ourselves in this culture with alcohol, food, negativity, dishonesty. We gum up the works internally with lies , secrets , undisgested emotionals, food ,etc..
And merging with someone who is not aware or poisoning themselves in these ways is not safe or healthy for me. It's as simple as not being able to kiss a smoker or as copmplicated as not being able to merge with a man who still has unresolved mother issues that are likely to come out in any relationship with maternal energy ( I.E. me) I also have some unresolved father issues , so I may be able to work with that one a bit. Regardless awareness is key. I feel "cleaner" or lighter than I have felt in a long time and that's why I feel the poison or negativity around me so acutely I think.
What do you think? Is merging and then individuating a pattern that is always there in relationships? Has anyone had this expereince where they were really sensitive ( even more than usual) to people who were exhiniting self-destructive behavior, to the point if felt gross to be around them ?

posted in Conscious Relating - 13 replies

to the person posting off topic and hijacking threads with personal problems that are again OT

freewil4u — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:49:04 GMT

get a clue you who....

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Conflict, Process, Consciousness and Growth.

PaulaC — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 02:51:03 GMT

There are people who go through life believing that all conflict is bad. I do not agree. I do think that a pattern of conflict with zero growth is not a good thing. Then too, growth is relative. Sometimes we have an epiphany and sometimes we only grow a little. Sometimes the growth isn't until another incident wherein we look back on the conflict and reflect in comparison to the current conflict.

So in this tribe, we had some less than smooth communication as of late and it hasn't all been constructive.

Still, we had come to a place where we at least ended much of the destructive patterns even though we did not completely come to a place of mutual agreement and growth. We came to a point where some had made the request to end the process as it did not seem to have a fruitive benefit. This is not a bad thing in my opinion. We still have an opportunity to learn about ourselves in this and still have an opportunity to come to agreement and create norms as we consciously relate. This is a good thing so long as this is the spirit of our conscious intent. Sometimes our unconscious fears and patterns can get in the way. In each moment of our positive and not so positive interaction, we have an opportunity to reveal our fears and negative patterns. We have an opportunity to try change them. We merely have to make the conscious choice to make such reflection and change a part of our path.

As much as it might not be evident, I spend about 80% of my time in pleasant banter tribes based on nerdy or social gathering premises. I enjoy them and have met some great people through them. I do however also consciously choose to engage in the 'process' tribes even when they are not warm fuzzy, touchy feely, good vibe threads. There is opportunity for reflection and growth in both happy-joy themes as well as ones wherein some conflict can occur. I am up for both.

In the end, we learn from both, even if there are times that seem unpleasant.

FWIW.

posted in Conscious Relating - 19 replies

Vulnerability ?

aschleigh — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 07:18:38 GMT

Vulnerability is the capacity or susceptibility to being hurt. The word vulnerable is also synonymous with the words openness and exposure. When a person is truly vulnerable there is an unobstructed entrance or view to the persons heart, being and soul. In the strongest or most enlightened person there is no protecting or concealing cover because the person needs none. Such people carry themselves in full view of others because they are not afraid of being hurt, because they are not afraid to suffer.

The most important key to finding love
is found in our willingness
and ability to be vulnerable.

Our ego (separate self) is that very edifice that we have fabricated to protect our hearts. It is the wall that all beings create on this planet to protect themselves from being hurt. We have incarnated onto this planet where all beings have suffered the pain of separation but we are promised salvation. Pain and suffering are Gods way of telling us we are doing something wrong with our life, something inexact with our consciousness. Pain and suffering have a purpose and when we can get in touch with that purpose our path in life tends to straighten itself out. Or at least we can eventually learn which way to go to begin our journey that one day will take us back to the full light of happiness.

One way out of suffering
is to see that it has been given to us
by life's greatest teacher.

Hurt is something our beings naturally feel. Hurt is the appropriate response of the human heart when attacked or misunderstood. When we betray the innocent and vulnerable nature of the pure heart we cause hurt. When we are born we have a great capacity to be hurt. Babies and young children are totally at the mercy of their environment, they are totally vulnerable, but slowly loose this after years of being repeatedly hurt and misunderstood. We slowly loose the vulnerability of being as we erect our ego or mental separate self. When Christ said that we needed to be born again he was referring to the reversing of this process.

When we betray the innocent and vulnerable
nature of the pure heart we cause hurt.
The separate mind is the betrayer of the
universe of heart and true being.

When we are vulnerable we put away the fancy airs we put on and drop our self-image, which is always hoping to look a little better than we actually feel. Any kind of spiritual self-image automatically blocks our vulnerability thus cutting off the heart and blocking us from the very thing that we want - love. When we do expose ourselves we become psychologically naked. This only happens when our defenses are down, when we are not worried that others will attack or judge us. Then we can be just who we are. But this is difficult because that is exactly what happens when we just are. People want us to be or feel or think something different. The paradox of vulnerability is that, though we can only be vulnerable when we are not worried that others will judge us, being vulnerable means openness to such an attack. In human relations no situation is completely safe when it comes to our vulnerabilities. In the beginning, when we first learn to open ourselves, it is prudent to pick the most gentle and caring people we can find to open our hearts with.

Christ's instructions for being born again were clear.
What he was talking about was that childlike quality of pure vulnerability.
This is the space of pure being.

That is why it takes courage and strength to be our naked vulnerable self. The path of vulnerability is for the strongest and it is for the most humble; those who remain closest to the ground because they are not secretly hoping to look a little better than they are. Humble vulnerable people do not walk around with a self image to protect, they feel what they feel and they share what they feel without shame. As we become more and more practiced in our vulnerability, our hearts expand and grow. The heart can grow so large and strong that eventually it cannot be hurt too badly. That is the strongest person, totally open to whatever comes. This is actually the ego less space, having no expectations and laying no demands on the universe. We open ourselves without fear and take whatever comes.

"To treasure vulnerable love is the first law of a pure heart."--Christopher Hills

After many years or incarnations of being closed in the heart, being vulnerable to other human beings can be terrifying. When we fall in love the first thing we do is open our heart, exposing our sensitivities, vulnerabilities; giving power to someone to wound or reject us with their insensitivity's or selfishness. This is why so many people are afraid to fall in love. In any situation, until the heart is used to being open, vulnerability initially feels like our heart is going to come right up through our throats.

When we first open the heart a river of feelings is released which swamps the mind and it's habitual defenses. We feel overwhelmed because our usual cool control is lost. The coolness of the separate personality is swept away as familiar ground moves from under our feet. Though most fear this moment, it is such a release, such a lightening of our load. Our real self is freed from the iron grip our ego normally holds over heart consciousness. Most egos are so rooted in their separateness that nothing short of the full fires of romance will due to reduce oneself to the vulnerable self. And then we usually make ourselves vulnerable to the one and only person who we have dared to fall in love with still excluding others; this thus makes our vulnerability slightly incomplete.

The head never really allows the heart to love.
Our fear of pain is stronger than our love of love.

We cannot begin to flow towards another person or towards our own higher or inner being until the psychic skin covering the heart is removed. The risk is great when we open because once we enter that vulnerable space, our head and it's games disappear. We lose our ego's protection, that hateful sense of separation is released and we feel that good feeling flowing. We crave that feeling of aliveness that comes from opening up. We feel safe once we are in this space. A welling up feeling fills our insides, a warmth and sense of caring or being cared for.

The pure in heart treasure vulnerability above all vibrations. A person tuned to love cherishes this space because he or she knows intuitively that this is what is most needed in human relations.

The purest heart has no mind.
The pure in heart is all heart.

The gift of vulnerable love far transcends the mental sharing of spiritual concepts and stories, no matter how profound they are. The head normally can't wait to advise. The heart, when listening to the inner world of another, listens, listens more, asks questions that draw a person out further, and thus shows a loving interest in the inner world of the other. Such a heart actually has the ability to get into the inner world of another because the heart feels and experiences no separation. When listening perfectly to the being of another, our being has the capacity to commune, to be at-one-with that other. The reunion of beings beyond the normal separate space of ego consciousness is a very beautiful thing when it happens.

My tears flow.
My being opens totally.

Vulnerability should not be confused with mental openness. It is very possible that someone could share the most intimate details of their life and still not be vulnerable. The difference lies in the vibration. Often in the beginning of relationships, people find it easier to be vulnerable about hurts and pains from the past, when in fact their real vulnerability has something more to do with feelings being generated in the moment. Expressing love or sexual attractions is often the most vulnerable issue at hand. Expressing these feelings leaves us exposed to others. When we share these feelings our relationships are quickly taken to deep and often intimate levels. And in these spaces, though we may suffer, we grow.

The purpose of our life here on this earth is to contact our being,
expand and grow our being by coming into a direct relationship with
the essence of our heart's true nature. And what is this true nature?
The heart is the vulnerability of being.

The most fascinating aspect of the Internet and digital communication is that people feel a lot more free to be vulnerable. They let their hair down and are more willing to be who and what they are or want to be. People are more willing to open up their dark secrets and confide in complete strangers. Though in fact few people are using their Internet connection as a spiritual tool for open hearted sharing, a growing network of therapists are beginning a great work of helping people heal from mental and emotional traumas that are so prevalent in human existence. They are finding it an incredible tool in assisting people open up and share what they are really thinking and feeling. This is something most people have an incredible difficulty with in open society and even with our friends communication is rarely taken onto the vulnerable level.

Mark Sircus Ac., OMD : an American living in Brazil, a doctor of Oriental and Biogenic medicine, a revolutionary and radical psychologist, as well as a body worker. Visit his site World Psychology which opens up a vast new framework with which to view ourselves, our lives, lovers, friends, children, work, education, medicine, ecology, sexuality - taking us in a modern way to the roots of our existence.

posted in Conscious Relating - 22 replies

Love is a skill, no magic involved

aschleigh — Thu, 29 May 2008 05:10:09 GMT

The Power of Love
Love is the best antidepressant—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.

Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.

It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.

There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.

Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed. It's part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when it's simply distraction and infatuation.

One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.

It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life—to love and be loved.

* Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesn't always evolve into love.
* Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.
* Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood.

There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don't distance you or kill the relationship.

You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.

posted in Conscious Relating - 6 replies

Relationship between adverse childhood experience and adult health

aschleigh — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 03:41:50 GMT

The Relation Between Adverse Childhood Experiences and Adult Health: Turning Gold into Lead
By Vincent J Felitti, MD

Background

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is a major research study that compares current adult health status to childhood experiences decades earlier. With the cooperation of 17,421 adult Health Plan members and with the ongoing collaboration of Dr Robert Anda at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the study is being carried out in the Department of Preventive Medicine at Kaiser Permanente (KP) San Diego--where for many years we conducted detailed biomedical, psychological, and social (biopsychosocial) evaluations of more than 50,000 adult Kaiser Foundation Health Plan members per year.

The findings are important medically, socially, and economically: They provide remarkable insight into how we become what we are as individuals and as a nation. The ACE Study reveals a powerful relation between our emotional experiences as children and our adult emotional health, physical health, and major causes of mortality in the United States. Moreover, the time factors in the study make it clear that time does not heal some of the adverse experiences we found so common in the childhoods of a large population of middle-aged, middle-class Americans. One doesn't "just get over" some things.

Study Design

The ACE Study was triggered by observations we made in the mid 1980s in an obesity program at the KP San Diego Department of Preventive Medicine. This program then had a high dropout rate. The first of many counterintuitive discoveries was that the great majority of the dropouts actually were successfully losing weight. Detailed life interviews of almost 200 such individuals unexpectedly revealed that childhood abuse was remarkably common and antedated the onset of their obesity. Many patients spoke openly of an association between the two. The counterintuitive aspect was that, for many people, obesity was not their problem; it was their protective solution to problems that previously had never been discussed with anyone. An early insight was the memorable remark of a woman who was raped at age twenty-three and gained 105 pounds in the subsequent year: "Overweight is overlooked, and that's the way I need to be." The contrast was striking between this statement and her desire to lose weight. Similarly, two men who were guards at the State Penitentiary became anxious after losing more than 100 pounds each. They made it clear that they felt much safer going to work looking "big as a refrigerator" instead of normal size. Overall, we found the simultaneous presence of opposing forces to be common; many of our weight program patients were driving with one foot on the brakes and one on the gas, wanting to lose weight but fearful of change.

In 1990 in Atlanta, I presented information about the frequent relation between obesity and abusive childhood experiences to a largely skeptical audience at the North American Association for the Study of Obesity. Unexpectedly, this presentation led to contacts with researchers at the CDC, who recognized the importance of what had been reported. They proposed a large epidemiologic study to provide definitive evidence of our clinical observations. This was the beginning of the ACE Study at KP San Diego, where, each year, we could easily ask more than 26,000 consecutive adults seen in the Department of Preventive Medicine if they would be interested in helping us understand how childhood events might affect adult health status. Sixty-eight percent of this population agreed to participate and understood that the information they provided about their childhood would never be included in their medical records.

The ACE Study compared current adult health status of these participants with eight categories of adverse childhood experience that we had frequently identified in the weight program. Three categories pertained to personal abuse: recurrent physical abuse, recurrent emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. Four categories pertained to growing up in a dysfunctional household--ie, with an alcoholic person or a drug user; where someone was in prison; where someone was chronically depressed, mentally ill, or suicidal; where the mother was treated violently; and where the parents were separated, divorced, or in some way lost to the patient during childhood. In addition, we decided to monitor this large cohort for at least five years to compare childhood experiences prospectively against adult pharmacy costs, doctor office visits, emergency department use, hospitalization, and death. An ACE score was constructed to analyze the huge mass of information we gathered. A person exposed to none of the studied categories had an ACE Score of 0; an individual exposed to any four had an ACE Score of 4, etc.

Because the average study participant was 57 years old, we actually were measuring the effect of childhood experiences on adult health status a half-century later. Dr Anda, my coprincipal investigator at CDC, designed the data management and retrospective and prospective components of the Study with great skill. Here, I will only touch upon some highlights of our findings; details may be sought in the anchor article of a series of publications deriving from the ACE Study. The initial article was published in May 1998 in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, v 14: 245-258;1 full text is at their Web site: www.meddevel.com/site.mash?left=/library.exe&m1=4&m2=1&right= /library.exe&action=search_form&search.mode= simple&site=AJPM&jcode=AMEPRE.

A list of published peer reviewed publications from the ACE Study is provided at the end of this article.2-11

Findings

A striking finding was that adverse childhood experiences are vastly more common than recognized or acknowledged. Of equal importance was our observation that they had a powerful correlation to adult health a half-century later. It is this combination that makes them so important. Slightly more than half of our middle-class population of Health Plan members experienced one or more of the categories we studied. One in four was exposed to two categories of abusive experience, one in 16 to four categories. Given an exposure to one category, there is 80% likelihood of exposure to another. All this, of course, is well shielded by social taboos against obtaining this information. Further, one may "miss the forest for the trees" if one studies these issues individually. They do not occur in isolation; for instance, a child does not grow up with an alcoholic person or with domestic violence in an otherwise well-functioning household. The question to ask is: How will these childhood experiences play out decades later in a doctor's office? How does one perform reverse alchemy, going from a normal newborn with almost unlimited potential to a diseased, depressed adult? How does one turn gold into lead?

Smoking is a useful starting example to illustrate what we found; moreover, it allows us to start with a minimally threatening topic. In California, there are now profound social pressures against smoking; persistent smoking in the face of these is often attributed to "addiction." But did you know that current smoking has a high degree of association with what happened decades ago in childhood? Figure 1 is a graphic illustration of how the ACE Score has a graded, dose-response effect on the probability of current smoking. The higher the ACE Score, the greater the likelihood of current smoking. This graded, dose-response effect is present for all the associations we found, although I will only present three. All the relations have a p value of .001 or better. Further details of the ACE Study findings are published in a series of articles exploring our findings from the retrospective and prospective arms of the Study.
Figure1. Graph shows relation between Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Score and smoking status.

Lest one doubt the significance of smoking, we found that chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) has a strong relationship to the ACE Score. A person with a midrange ACE score of 4 is 390% more likely to have COPD than is a person with an ACE Score of 0. What does this do to the conventional concept of smoking that attributes addiction to characteristics that are intrinsic within nicotine? We instead found "addiction" attributable to characteristics that are intrinsic in early life experiences. If early emotional stress predicts COPD, is COPD properly understood as a psychosomatic condition? Are certain common, chronic, adult diseases the result of attempts at self-treatment of concealed problems that occurred in childhood?

When we looked at self-defined current depression, we found that a person with ACE score >4 was 460% more likely to be depressed than a person with ACE score of 0. Confirming the reliability of this conclusion, we found a 1220% historical increase in attempted suicide between these two groups. For groups with higher ACE scores, incidence of attempted suicide increases thirtyfold to fifty-one fold! Using the analytic technique of population attributable risk, we found that more than two thirds of suicide attempts could be attributed to adverse childhood experiences.
Figure 2. Graph shows relation between longtime smoking, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), and ACE Score.
Figure 3. Graph shows relation between ACE Score and illicit use of injected drugs.

Intravenous drug use is a major public health problem. In spite of massive efforts to curtail it, little progress has been made. We found that IV drug use may properly be viewed as a personal solution to problems that are well concealed by social niceties and convention. For example, a male child with an ACE score of 6 has a 4600% increase in the likelihood of later using intravenous drugs. This relation to adverse childhood experiences is powerful and is graded at every step; it provides a perfect dose-response curve; and epidemiologically, these outcomes are nearly unique in magnitude. Because no one shoots heroin to get endocarditis or AIDS, might heroin then be used for relief of profound anguish dating back to childhood experiences? Might it be the best coping device a person can find? If so, is this phenomenon a public health problem or a personal solution? How often are public health problems personal solutions? Is drug abuse self-destructive, or is it a desperate attempt at self-healing, albeit at a significant future risk? This point is important because primary prevention is far more difficult than anticipated--possibly because incomplete understanding of the benefits of so-called health risk behaviors causes these behaviors to be viewed as irrational acts that have only negative consequences. Does this incomplete view of drug abuse leave us mouthing cautionary platitudes instead of understanding the cause of our intractable public health problems?

Beyond these few illustrations, we found many other measures of adult health to have a strong, graded relation to what happened in childhood: hepatitis, heart disease, fractures, diabetes, obesity, alcoholism, occupational health, and job performance. These findings are detailed in the original and subsequent articles and will further be reported in publications of the yet-to-be-analyzed prospective arm of the ACE Study.

Discussion

What do these findings mean for medical practice and for society? Clearly, we have shown that adverse childhood experiences are both common and destructive. This combination makes them one of the most important, if not the most important, determinants of the health and well-being of the nation. Unfortunately, these problems are both painful to recognize and difficult to cope with. Most physicians would far rather deal with traditional organic disease. Certainly, it is easier to do so, but that approach also leads to troubling treatment failure and to the frustration of expensive diagnostic quandaries where everything is ruled out but nothing is ruled in.

Our usual approach to many common adult chronic diseases reminds one of the relation between smoke and fire. A person unfamiliar with fires would initially be tempted to treat the smoke--ie, the most visible aspect of the problem. What we have learned in the ACE Study represents the underlying fire. Fortunately, fire departments learned to distinguish cause from effect long ago; if they had not, they would use fans instead of water hoses.

If the treatment implications of what we found in the ACE Study are far-reaching, the prevention aspects are positively daunting. The very nature of the material is such as to make one uncomfortable. Why would one want to leave the relative comfort of traditional organic disease and enter this area of threatening uncertainty that none of us has been trained to deal with? And yet, as I write these words, I am interrupted to consult on a 70-year-old woman who is diabetic and hypertensive. The initial description given to me omitted the fact that she is morbidly obese (one doesn't go out of one's way to identify what one can't handle). Review of her chart shows her to be chronically depressed, never married, and, because we ask the question of 57,000 adults a year, to have been raped by her elder brother six decades ago when she was ten. The same brother also molested her sister, who also is said to be leading a troubled life.

We found that 22% of our Health Plan members were sexually abused as children. How does that affect a person later in life? What does it mean that early sexual abuse is never spoken of? We find it useful routinely to ask all patients acknowledging this experience, "How did that affect you later in life?"

What, then, is this woman's diagnosis? Is she just another hypertensive, diabetic old woman, or is there more to the practice of medicine? Here is the way we conceptualized her problems:

Childhood sexual abuse

Chronic depression

Morbid obesity

Diabetes mellitus

Hypertension

Hyperlipidemia

Coronary artery disease

Macular degeneration

Psoriasis

This is not a comfortable diagnostic formulation; it points out that our attention is comfortably focused on tertiary consequences far downstream. The diagnosis shows that the primary issues are well protected by social convention and taboo and points out that we have limited ourselves to the smallest part of the problem: the part where we are comfortable as mere prescribers of medication. Which diagnostic choice shall we make? Who shall make it? And if not now, when?

This article, with minor change, was originally published in The Family Violence Prevention Fund's "Health Alert," Volume 8, No. 1. Adapted and reproduced with permission of the publisher, Peter Sawires.

Acknowledgments

The original study was funded by the US Department of Health & Human Services; the CDC Foundation; and the Kaiser Permanente Garfield Memorial Fund.

Selected ACE Study Publications

1. Felitti VJ, Anda RF, Nordenberg D, et al. Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. Am J Prev Med 1998 May;14(4):245-58.
2. Foege WH. Adverse childhood experiences: A public health perspective. Am J Prev Med 1998 May;14(4):354-5.
3. Weiss MJ, Wagner SH. What explains the negative consequences of adverse childhood experiences on adult health? Insights from cognitive and neuroscience research. Am J Prev Med 1998 May;14(4):356-60.
4. Anda RF, Croft JB, Felitti VJ, et al. Adverse childhood experiences and smoking during adolescence and adulthood. JAMA 1999 Nov 3;282(17):1652-8.
5. Dietz PM, Spitz AM, Anda RF, et al. Unintended pregnancy among adult women exposed to abuse or household dysfunction during their childhood. JAMA 1999 Oct 13;282(14):1359-64. Hillis SD, Anda RF, Felitti VJ, et al. Adverse childhood experiences and sexually transmitted diseases in men and women: a retrospective study. Pediatrics 2000 Jul;106(1):E11.
6. Edwards VJ, Anda RF, Nordenberg DF, et al. Bias assessment for child abuse survey: factors affecting probability of response to a survey about childhood abuse. Child Abuse Negl 2001 Feb;25(2):307-12.
7. Edwards VJ, Fivush R, Anda RF, et al. Autobiographical memory disturbances in childhood abuse survivors. In: Freyd JJ, DePrince AP, editors. Trauma and cognitive science: a meeting of minds, science, and human experience. Binghamton (NY): Haworth Press; 2001. Published simultaneously as a single-topic issue of J Aggression Maltreatment Trauma Vol 4(2), No. 8.
8. Anda RF, Felitti VJ, Chapman DP, et al. Abused boys, battered mothers, and male involvement in teen pregnancy. Pediatrics 2001 Feb;107(2):E19.
9. Dube SR, Anda RF, Felitti VJ, et al. Adverse childhood experiences and personal alcohol abuse as an adult. Addict Behav. In press 2002.
10. Dube SR, Anda RF, Felitti VJ, et al. Exposure to abuse, neglect and household dysfunction among adults who witnessed intimate partner violence as children: implications for integrated health and social services. Violence Vict. In press 2002.
11. Dube SR, Anda RF, Felitti VJ, et al. Childhood Abuse, Household dysfunction, and the risk of attempted suicide throughout the life span. Findings from the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study. JAMA 2001;286:3089-3096.

posted in Conscious Relating - 18 replies

Work & Play

InLightInOne — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 07:10:02 GMT

In today's world, America and the world face many tough challenges about the future. Our jobs are at the forefront of those challenges as, through an increasing cruciality, we are faced with a recession and an economy in need of repair. The jobs which we choose to work at represent characteristics of our totality and bring them to the surface. It is important to remember that any and all jobs have numerous valid lessons within their modalities. Even jobs that many people think of as 'bottom jobs' have many useful perks and advantages (as we see in the example of the janitor in the movie 'Breakfast Club') that aid in our process of learning through this experience of life. The goal is to blend the world of work with that of play and unify the two. They are essentially one and are simply two ways of understanding ourselves. The more we blend our artistic potential into our work & play, the more that life becomes synchronisticly abundant and fluid with threads of purpose that inner-twine. Either in work or play, we must see every interaction with co-workers, the general public, or friends as a opportunity to not only learn a great deal from our environment, but also to spread seeds of our light & perspective into the lives of others. Enjoy your work & play, and enjoy turning one into the other into completion.

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

Life & Death

InLightInOne — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 07:09:31 GMT

The moment we incarnate onto this planet (as magical, biological, self-reflecting human beings), we had already chosen the dynamic spot (location, gender, zodiac, parents) that would fit our existence perfect. We are raised through childhood, adolescence, and teen years in a direction that points to possible futures depending on variable factors of influence. Either way, we all face the inevitable... death. While that word strikes fear into most, surely we must find joy in such an absolute fate. By all means, funerals should be celebrations! We should be so lucky as to have our life commemorated by our friends and relatives in such a way! This world is but basic training... the first level before we venture into new territory of the dimensional cosmos. The 'baton' that we leave behind is carried on in new and intricately beautiful ways by the people we influenced during our visit to this wonderful place. Live everyday as your last... savor every taste... every sight... every fragrance... every texture... every living being, honoring this amazing, once in a lifetime process that is...

Life & Death

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

UPDATE on Peace for this Tribe (please read)

nonamae_agape — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 00:10:12 GMT

I've come to a couple of decisions after reviewing more posts today and communications with tribe members through private messages. This tribe and all that I have been in communication with will be finding this out very soon.

I will be away the next couple of days, so it will have to wait. I need to go check on a loved one, so I'm done for the day.

Friendly reminder...
If you're curious about why I haven't done something...ask me why.
If you don't agree with something I'm doing...let me know why and ask away.

I would like our communication to be a loving understanding and open conversation.

Thank you to those of you who have been bringing your luminous authentic compassionate shinning selves. It makes my heart smile...truly.

Just wanted to update everyone because a lot has been going on behind the scenes with private messaging, and I didn't want you to be in the dark wondering if anything was being done ;)

Thank you all for your patience and love.

<3

posted in Conscious Relating - 23 replies

Metta = Loving Kindness

PaulaC — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 18:10:46 GMT

Another talk by Gil Fronsdal. This one is on one of the Ten Perfections. Metta means loving-kindness.

[play] http://www.audiodharma.org/mp3files/2005-07-25_GilFronsdal_ParamisLovingKindness.m3u

[Download] http://www.audiodharma.org/mp3files/2005-07-25_GilFronsdal_ParamisLovingKindness.mp3

He also lists some quotes regarding Metta. Here are a few:

"Ill-will, being the opposite of craving, is the far enemy of loving-kindness. It is like an enemy laying in wait in the wilds. Loving-kindness must be practiced free from ill-will. It is not possible to practice loving-kindness and feel anger at the same time.

Vissudhimagga IX "

"The characteristic of loving-kindness is to promote well-being. Its function is to prefer well-being. Its manifestation is the removal of annoyance. Its proximate cause is seeing the loveliness of beings. It succeeds when it makes ill will subside, and it fails when it produces selfish affection.

Visuddhimagga IX, Buddhaghosa"

"The perfection of loving-kindness is the wish to provide for the welfare and happiness of the world, accompanied by compassion and skilful means; literally it means benevolence.

Loving-kindness is mentioned immediately after the perfection of resolve:

-because loving-kindness perfects the determination to undertake activity for the welfare of others;

-in order to list the work of actually providing for the welfare of others right after stating the determination to do so, for "one determined upon the requisites of enlightenment abides in loving-kindness"; and

-because the undertaking (of the activity for the welfare of others) proceeds imperturbably only when resolve is unshakeable. "

posted in Conscious Relating - 4 replies

Judge Me Not

marleyjansen — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:57:24 GMT

"Judge me not by my religion,
Judge me not as white or black.
Judge me by my thoughts and visions,
Judge me by my plans and acts.

Judge me not by age and gender,
Judge me not by looks alone.
Judge me, lover and defender,
By the deeds that I condone.

The color of my skin won't show,
What is hidden in my heart.
And age and sex do not bestow,
Knowledge of all human arts.

Do I love? Give onto others?
Do I heal, or sing, or teach?
Do I learn from my life lessons?
Do I practice what I preach?

Those are things that judge my soul,
Those are things that judge my mind.
And at my deathbed they'll console -
Or they'll punish me in kind."

~ Author Unknown ~

found on: http://people.tribe.net/tribal_by_nature

posted in Conscious Relating - 39 replies

~A Poem About Wine~

Oneinmotion — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 02:28:16 GMT

I would like to give credit to the poet, which is not me, but I never have found who wrote this....

A Poem About Wine

If you were a vintage bottle of wine and I could fill my cup...

I'd savor your essence for a time, then slowly drink you up.

I'd let you linger on tounge, delight my palet with your bouquet...

my lips would bathe in your crimson pool and I'd sit and sip all day.

If you were a vintage bottle of wine all mellow and aged in wood.

I'd whirl you and swirl you around my mouth and hold you as long as I could.

I'd drink from you slowly and deeply...and make your flavor last....

and I would not stop till the very last drop....

and I'd probably lick my glass!! (:
Happy Valentine's Day to all
~One~

posted in Conscious Relating - 1 reply

love

sina(i'm Love ) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:10:34 GMT

~`~`~`~`~`~` ~`~`~`~`~ `~ ~`~`~`~`~`~` ~`~`~`~`~ `~

Gamble everything for love,
if you're a true human being.

If not, leave
this gathering.

Half-heartedness doesn't reach
into majesty. You set out
to find God, but then you keep

stopping for long periods
at meanspirited roadhouses.

- Rumi

posted in Conscious Relating - 3 replies

ill will

PaulaC — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:14:44 GMT

This is a great talk by Gil Fronsdal about harboring ill will. [this is the 'listen' link rather than the download]

http://www.audiodharma.org/mp3files/2004-11-14_GilFronsdal_IllWill.m3u

Here is the main link of all '5 Hindrances' if you are interested in downloading rather than listening right now.

In his reflections practice he asks these questions:

"(Please spend some time contemplating these questions. It might be useful to spend
several days on one of these sets of questions before moving on to the next. Also, spend
some time discussing your reflections with others.)

1. What role does ill-will and aversion have in your life? How much of your time
and thinking is involved in ill-will and aversion? What are the daily activities
that most frequently lead to being aversive? What do you regularly avoid doing
or encountering because of your aversion? How often are you avoiding things
because of aversion?

2. Physically, emotionally, and mentally, how is the experience of ill-will different
than your experiences of unpleasantness? How is the experience of ill-will or
aversion different than experiences of displeasure or disapproval?

3. What are some of the unfortunate consequences of having acted on your ill-will
and aversion? What cost do you pay for your aversion? How does it harm your
mental, emotional, physical and social life?

4. What beliefs do you have that support your aversion? What do you believe about
yourself, about others, or about what you can expect or want that tends to result in
aversion? How can you question the authority of these beliefs?"

I would encourage you if you find this topic interesting, to listen to the talk as well as consider the questions.

posted in Conscious Relating - 16 replies

A wonderful article on communication

ShadezofDys — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 21:24:49 GMT

http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essays/?p=51

That pretty much says it all. I can't really add to what's already written there. :)

posted in Conscious Relating - 6 replies

Playing the Quantum Field

marleyjansen — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:24:26 GMT

Has anyone else read this book?

http://personaldevelopment.suite101.com/article.cfm/playing_the_quantum_field

If so, I'm curious how others have experienced applying it. As the article mentions, there are other books too, but everyone has different levels of receptivity regarding an authors words & presentation.

I'd like to explore other things that can affect our vibration & state of consciousness.

For example, most people know that crime & poverty go hand in hand. I've personally experienced how being desperate to make ends meet can totally distort my sense of possibilities -and have seen that in countless others when I ascended from that vibratory state.

I've seen how stress in relationships can transfer into other relationships towards dramatic ends when normally those relationships would fair just fine.

I'd like to read some personal accounts of what others here have experienced with how anything from finances & relationships to health & disease have affected their consciousness -or that of those they know.

posted in Conscious Relating - 3 replies

Don't Believe...

marleyjansen — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:35:18 GMT

"Don't believe me, don't believe yourself, and don't believe anyone else. By not believing, whatever is untrue will disappear like smoke in this world of illusion. Everything is what it is. You don't need to justify what is true; you don't need to explain it. What is true doesn't need anyone's support."

Don Miguel Ruiz

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Emotional vs. Financial Wellbeing

marleyjansen — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 20:16:25 GMT

I'm sure anyone here already realizes how our financial and/or emotional states affect our self-esteem as well as how relationships fit into our priorities in kind. I was just reading an article today about finances vs. emotions. Here's a couple contrary quotes I captured to kick this off with:

"You will never achieve a sense of power over your life until you have power over your money"

--Suze Orman

Meanwhile, writer and reporter James Scurlock says:

"Study after study has shown that personal bankruptcies are caused primarily by catastrophic events like divorce, job loss and, above all, medical bills, and that most of us are struggling with a gap between our income growth and the soaring cost of necessities like housing, Suze tends toward psychological causes that invariably blame the victim."

For the whole story, which you may find poignant...

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/RetirementandWills/CreateaPlan/stop-listening-to-suze-orman.aspx

CAUTION: While Scurlock makes some good points for critical thinking, I get the feeling that he may be coming from either a place of financial disgruntlement in his own life and bashing successful people out of a self-righteous projection of victimhood (ie. making himself feel better), or he's just doing what reporters usually do -contriving drama against icons to sell a story. Either possibility seems evident by his sarcasm and personal insults against her and how some of his arguments seem a bit forced such as when he's talking about buying stocks (it makes sense to buy when prices are low because the market fluctuates and prices can go up again to turn the buyer a profit). Anyway...

...It has always seemed to me that these are two sides of the same coin -that finances and emotions can affect the other -or not as well. I would just as quickly say that "You will never achieve a sense of power over your money until you have power over your life".

I've seen how people can have emotional meltdowns without it affecting their finances; while there are impoverished people who live happy and content no matter their circumstances. In the latter case, I tend to believe that those people simply know how to live on less or simply accept themselves and their lives no matter the matter. I've met people like that, and they tend to be very down to earth, creative, and not concerned about what others think about their lifestyle. They're like Zen Masters some of them. Take this lady for example who offers a sage piece of advice:

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SmartSpending/FindDealsOnline/living-poor-and-loving-it-donna-freedman-video.aspx

I think her advice is great no matter one's level of prosperity, however I can also see her overall story as one possibly developed to accept -and even enable- her circumstances. I'd be curious to see if she could turn her situation around to become very prosperous and use it to serve others not as fortunate or capable as her.

I think it's obvious that when someone is in emotional crisis, they want to come back to a centered feeling of wellbeing. Many times, people are financially sound when they go into emotional crisis, and they remain so as they come back to their center. Perhaps this is a rarity? Just keeping Maslow's hierarchy of needs in mind, it's easy to see how financially secure people tend to bounce back quicker from emotional disruption because they don't have the additional stress and anxiety of financial necessity.

However, from my years of being in the Bay Area, and being on Tribe, I think what most people here would want to know is how to break out of financial hardship into that much sought-after realm of financial security and even abundance.

While there are simple financial strategies for this, there are other tribes for that, and I think this tribe is more oriented towards exploring the emotional/mental vibratory techniques for getting from financial hardship or dissatisfaction to a feeling of radiant prosperity, as well as how our relationships can play a role in that.

I'd also like to hear some personal accounts of how financial situations have affected relationships, self-esteem, and even perceptions or beliefs.

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

You can only give something away that you have for yourself

aschleigh — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 03:20:54 GMT

I know it has been said many times but I am realizing more and more that giving love at all depends on me having love with, and for myself first. Love can't be given by someone who is just hungry for love to be taken in. They end up only taking not giving.
The more I fill up my own holes, heal my own wounds , it creates a safe solid self in which to give from. People with unsafe, unsolid selves create unsafe unsolid relationships.
Developing a solid self-esteem, a happiness and gratfulness about just being me is the best gift I can give myself and the world.
I wonder what kind of parents I would have had if either of them felt important, felt like their own health and well being was important.
I wonder what kind of world we would live in where every person knew they were Love, that love was something from within first.
I wonder....

posted in Conscious Relating - 3 replies

Space

nonamae_agape — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:25:32 GMT

I'm interested...and I love learning from everyone...

How do you language needing healthy space in your relationships?

posted in Conscious Relating - 57 replies

Nutritional Cleansing for Greater Consciousness

marleyjansen — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:02:01 GMT

Nutritional Cleansing is something I began incorporating into my lifestyle a few years ago, but it's really been during my recent cleanse that its poignancy really came into focus for me. Interestingly, it seems that people are coming out of the woodwork this year to explore it too! I have a strong feeling that this has something to do with the current state of the economy. People are getting back to basics & reevaluating their values & lifestyles. While other businesses are experiencing precarious decline, or even shutting down, massage therapists & holistic health practitioners are seeing an increase in their business. This tells me that people are now prioritizing their health & wellbeing more than ever.

2009 is a year of Change, and Nutritional Cleansing helps create a space for clarity and insight to enter us for guidance while providing us energy, focus, and the physical and emotional stability to support us in making vital change.

I've come to learn through observation & experience how the process of cleansing can be challenging because it literally resets the brain's chemistry, and along with it, familiar, comfortable habits of not just lifestyle, but even thoughts and beliefs which affect our self image and how we relate to and perceive others.

Every emotion has specific neurotransmitters and patterns in our brain. The brain can literally become addicted to the chemicals of emotions just like caffeine, heroin, meth, alcohol, etc. Similarly, we can become addicted to emotional/mental complexes such as "drama" or feeling "worthless" -and the stories & perceptions that reinforce that feeling.

Depression is an easy example I like to use to illustrate this dynamic. When our bodies get depressed from lack of nutrients, too much toxicity, too little sleep, not enough hydration, not enough exercise, combating pathogens, etc. our energy goes down and this physical depression is *felt* and becomes an emotional depression.

If you resolve any of these physical factors, your emotional state will reflect it. That's why when I have a family member, friend or client show up with depression, I always cover these physical basics with them before anything else.

The reverse works as well. When someone breaks our heart, or we lose a loved one, we become emotionally depressed, and we feel that in our body as low energy, fatigue, and generally feeling un-well.

Because it works both ways between emotions & body, we can salve most of our initial depression from a broken heart through nutrition, cleansing, exercise, hydration & rest. When we shift the chemical balance of our brain away from depression, we can reinforce our feelings of wellness by affirming positive notions such as all that one has to be thankful for in their life and how fortunate they truly are.

So for people who have lived most of their life in chronic depression, or with a victim identity, cleansing can present both a profound opportunity as well as great challenge for transforming that. When one's identity depends on (is addicted to) feelings of anger, resentment, unworthiness, depression, fear, etc. doing a cleanse literally presents a threat to that identity.

As we transform our brain chemistry, we transform our Selves on every other level. Doing a cleanse and getting better nutrition requires changing our lifestyle & habits.

For me, my greatest nemesis is gorging on pizza, cake, ice cream & soda late at night after a long day of doing massage. I recently turned 35, and I've been finding it harder to keep myself looking cut. Worse than that however is that I've noticed my vision degenerating. I knew this was due to my Nemesis and that I needed to change this habit.

So I did the Isagenix 9-Day Nutritional Cleanse to help me "reset" my brain chemistry to support me in making this change. While doing the cleanse, I came to realize the different unconscious reasons I had for this habit. First, I realized that I was eating these things to GROUND myself and get back in my body for self-preservation on the psychic/energy level after working on all these people (usually 5-8, not including the energies of all my co-workers).

Shortly after that I realized that I ate for COMFORT too. This went even deeper for me as I quickly realized that I haven't eaten socially -particularly with family- for many years. I usually eat by myself. I realized then that there was this element of depression & isolation involved with this eating habit of mine.

After this epiphany, I also thought that I may be REWARDING myself by eating these particular foods for having done a long hard day of work. This then led me to another insight where I found myself continuing to eat way past the point of feeling full because I wanted to continue experiencing the joy of different tastes & textures. With the prior insight in mind, I identified this form of eating as ENTERTAINMENT.

So with all of this association, it's easy to see why it could seem so threatening to give up this eating habit. It represents loss of comfort, boredom, and vulnerability. Transforming these feelings & thoughts not only requires a change in my lifestyle, but confronting deep & powerful feelings related to self & family.

To this end, a colleague & I developed a support program for people who are doing cleanses. I'm not going to make this an ad for this however as I doubt anyone here even lives in my town and this program requires hands-on work. But I would like to share some of the principles so that you can integrate them into your own process of cleansing & transformation :o)

One can align their energies to hold the space for transformation though specific Acupuncture or Acupressure sequences as well as essential oil blends. I always use Young Living for their purity & formulation. My favorites for transformation are "Dreamcatcher", "Valor" & "Harmony" & "Transformation".

Getting lymphatic massage & good old fashioned nurturing swedish or even vigorous shiatsu & tui na can help keep one grounded in their body and connected to earthly life energies to better hold the course.

I've found that doing a cleanse with one or more friends or family members is also helps greatly and adds not only fun but lends a sense of community & support as one re-invents aspects of their self.

Some people may need counseling as well -or even just a forum like this where they can relate their feelings & issues as they go through their process and get perspective and feedback that can help them think outside their box.

I hope this is all helpful to you, and invite more thoughts, techniques & experiences that can help myself and other readers here to get more out of life!

Namasté

posted in Conscious Relating - 27 replies

What is love to you ? what do i feel and mean when i say/feel "i love you".

caverly — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 02:51:36 GMT

What is love to me ; what do i feel and mean when i say/feel "i love you".
I feel {any or all of the following or some combination } : i admire you ; i appreciate the angel that you are ;
i feel your kindness- love ; i thank you for allowing us to share our feelings especially love&joy ;
i thank you for opening yourself so we could connect ; i thank you for receiving my essence ;
i enjoy our play together as it fills my heart with joy ; i feel very happy being allowed to contribute to the wonderfulnesses
that you are and to your life ; my experience of Spiritual Energy Exchange { s.e.x. } with you has transformed my being , moved me deeper into
my heart energy& joy and i feel very blessed by your gifting ; i feel joy that you have experienced our s.e.x.
and that your spirit has been nurtured ,
inspired, been alive with joy , uplifted and possibly guided to new realms of empowerment and expression ; i feel a smile fill my spirit ;
i feel renewed and extra thankful to be alive because we shared together .

What is love to you ? ......

posted in Conscious Relating - 9 replies

Thinking vs. Feeling

astrea — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:07:56 GMT

I have always been an insightful person. It's a nice asset to have. However, I find myself wanting to think my way out of situations to the point where I am using my thoughts to avoid my feelings. When I do this, what I am not feeling, of course, comes back. I would much rather be able to experience my emotions as they are happening, to relate to them, and to let the next moment happen accordingly.

What are some techniques that help focus in the realm of emotions?

I have a fear that I will flood over with emotions if I were to tap into them directly. I fear a loss of control, especially because I know there are some feelings that will not be pleasant to experience, namely grief. Has anyone else had a circumstance like this, and if so, what helped?

posted in Conscious Relating - 8 replies

A message from George Carlin

marleyjansen — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 08:46:25 GMT

I felt this was poignant, but if it's considered inappropriate for this tribe, I apologize.

---------

GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...and George followed her, dying in July 2008)  

A Message by George Carlin:  

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.   

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.   

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.  

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.   

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul...

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.   

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...   

Remember: spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.  

Remember: say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.   

Remember: to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.  

Remember: to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.   

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.  

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.  

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:   Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.    

-George Carlin

posted in Conscious Relating - 7 replies

Stones for Conscious Development

marleyjansen — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 09:33:11 GMT

Search Google Images for: Septarian Nodule

This stone leads one into their inner darkness -into a place one would rather not see- and giving the strength to abide with it and thus have the possibility for transformation.

A friend who works with Crystals gifted one to me, but this was the only info I could find on it. It's not listed in Melody's "Love is in the Earth -a Kaleidoscope of Crystals" which is way more informative.

Fortunately, this next stone IS in that book and one of my favorites!

-- MOONSTONE --

"The energy of moonstone is balancing, introspective, reflective, and lunar. It is capable of helping one with the changing structures of ones life on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels. The energy relates to 'new beginnings', allowing one to realize that these 'new beginnings' are, in actuality, the fruition of each "end".

"It is a stone for hoping and wishing; it allows one to absorb that which is needed from the universal energies, not necessarily, however, furthering that which is wanted. It helps one to recognize the 'ups and downs' and to gracefully acknowledge the changing cycles. It can assist on in sustaining and maintaining, and understanding the destiny one has chosen. It works to bring the galactic evolved energies from other worlds to accessibility.

"It is a stone for 'feeling', and understanding via intuition and emotional 'thoughts', rather than via intellectual reasoning. It brings flashes of insight, banishing the possibility of neglecting ones profit from that which is experienced. It stimulates intuitive recognition and helps one to apply the intuitive knowledge in a practical sense. It also enhances perception and discernment, enabling one to make decisions which painlessly further ones development.

"It can be used to alleviate emotional tension and to enhance the positive attributes of creativity and self-expression.

"It cleanses negativity from the chakras, enhancing the feminine aspects of ones nature while providing for spiritual nourishment and sustenance, and a loving compassion to further assist on through all changes.

"It stimulates confidence and composure and allows one to understand that there is no situation so difficult that it cannot be countered with diplomacy.

"Moonstone sustains and supports while promoting growth and supplementing energy. It provides for a connection between the physical, emotional, and intellectual bodies, furthering the advancement and diminishing the obstacles in the path leading to ones progression and actualization as a perfect being; removal of obstacles usually occurs with the release and/or integration of the obstacle. It assists one in the total fulfillment of ones destiny. It also provides for guidance with respect to the most effective procedural steps available to facilitate the attainment of the desired end-result.

"Once called the 'traveler's stone', it is used for protection against the perils of travel. Moonstone is also a talisman of good furtune. It is said to keep closer that which is dear to one.

"It is also said to both arouse tenderness within the self, and to bring happiness to the environment in which it resides.

"Moonstone brings calmness coupled with awareness. It helps one to attune to the normal rhythms of the biological forces of ones body such that one can maximize, recognize, and utilize the natural energy cycles of the body. One is not limited, however by the natural cycles, and can use the energy of the stone to both balance and counterbalance phases of energy depletion as they occur within the body.

"The energy of moonstone provides the body with a sustaining force. It can stimulate the properties of rejuvenation and can alleviate many degenerative conditions with respect to the skin, hair, eyes, and the fleshy organs of the body.

"It can also be used to enhance the assimilation of nutrients, to assist in the elimination of toxins, and to treat disorders of the digestive and elimination systems.

"It can be used in the treatment of pulmonary consumption, to facilitate and to promote ease in pregnancy and childbirth, to enhance fertility, to ameliorate PMS and change-of-life, to eliminate insomnia [ancient remedy], and to provide remedial action for disorders related to water [e.g., swelling] and insect stings or bites. It can also be used in the treatment of circulatory disorders.

"The energies of moonstone are accessible when worn, carried, or used as an elixir.

"Vibrates to the number 4."

...I keep a small piece of Moonstone in my pocket at all times and have found my massage sessions and daily interactions and experiences far more pleasant and balanced than before.

:o)

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Lupin's lover's Day Eve Lock and Key Party

Cindy — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 19:36:03 GMT

Check ou this recently posted event.

http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/event/Lupins-Lovers-Day-Eve-Lock-and-Key-Party/san-francisco-ca/c65e95ee-cefd-4589-9389-f1937b338108

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

THE ENERGY BEHIND ENLIGHTENMENT

Tom Zatar — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 05:02:31 GMT

Most people use ten percent or less of the Brain. Through the awakening of Kundalina energy the brain can organically evolve to a higher performance. No time has been spent investigating perhaps the most powerful energy of nature. Religious experience and its root.

Kundalini is the evolutionary potency in all humans. A fundamental bioenergy. It comes from an Indian word meaning “to join the soul with the cosmic soul,” In the ancient Indian language Sanskrit it is a term referring to a coiled force or energy originating at the base of the spine, and seated near the sex organs a coiled up sleeping snake. Implies latent energy or potential to expand. Serpent Power when activated travels up the seven chakras which are the nerve centers along the spinal cord and enlightens the mind. Expanding consciousness the nirvana of Buddha. It is responsible for human evolution and all-psychic abilities genius and spiritual illumination. Kundalini is the biological way to expand the mind.

Kundalini is the “secret” behind yoga and all other esoteric psychology’s and genuine occult mysteries. A scientifically measurable biochemical essence Kundalini is the substance that is the nourishment of consciousness. It penetrates the nervous system and influences the nerves to become the instrument of higher consciousness. This subtle substance is a snake-like force that fuels the mind in order to sustain a more active state, producing an awakened Kundalini individual, Note: snakes have two hemi penises and the power to hypnotize.

Such inner power is represented by the two snakes on King Tut’s headdress and the feathered serpent of Mexico and South America, The serpent in the Garden of Eden. The upward flow of Kundalini nectar (prana force, bioplasmic stream) is concentrated in the reproductive fluids of both men and women. When Kundalini is activated a reverse action takes place, feeding the center of the brain. “cavity of Brahma” in the brain’s ventricular cavity. Kundalini is the power that controls it. All great saints’’ mystics’ poets and people of genius, as well as the insane were influenced in this way.

If an experiment were performed it would prove the existence of the Kundalini force and show its physiological effects on the body. It could bridge the gap between science and mysticism and show the essential truth of religious experience and tradition. Religion has always been a companion of humanity. Religion came to guide humanity. No scientist could doubt the reality of this phenomenon once it has been observed and measured.. Such an experiment would uncover the vale of darkness and delusion under which humanity has been living. This evolutionary force needs publicity and actual proof would provide it. The results will speak for themselves. It will be a discovery more important than anything that has preceded it.

It is only from an awakened perspective that such observation can be made and this potential lies within everyone. As humanity evolved from cave men to the United Nations it becomes inevitable that this discovery will come to light and that there is indeed a purpose. A planned creation to our being. God protects our blue-green planet earth from the inferno of intergalactic space. Why? Because humanity has to attain to other states of consciousness for which all these recourses are needed to do this. We have been granted an intelligence to make the best use of it.

Life’s purpose and evolution’s power lead to cosmic laws, which must be obeyed for nature’s divine grace within us all to come to light. These laws as spoken of in all religions occult and mystical beliefs describe a path to enlightenment. As great empires have come and gone, so too must humanity’s faiths change.

My teacher, the late Pundit Gopi Krishna, an Indian Yogi-scientist and world renowned expert of Kundalini who has written over twenty books on the subject states, “We all know what happened whenever a political system became despotic and oppressive, a social system exacting and corrupt, and a religious system excessively authoritarian and dogmatic. There arose a demand for revision and reform. Political revolutionaries, reformers and prophets appeared on the scene, The old system was overthrown often with dreadful bloodshed, suffering and pain and a new one installed in its place. We have to cooperate with inner evolution.”

What is needed for a more positive harmonic peaceful and prosperous existence is a fuller understanding of humanity’s need for god. As society accelerates the brain must work increasingly beyond the point of balance. We are giants of intellect and dwarfs of the spiritual. We give no time to the spirit. Bringing on grave consequences. Gopi Krishna says. “ We have given too much emphasis to the material side of life at the cost of the spiritual side.” Time must be set aside for prayer, meditation, yoga or some other spiritual act in order to keep life’s evolutionary needs in balance and maintain inner sanity. Yoga meditation provides a channel for the opening of a powerful energy (inspiration) which can enable anyone to blossom into a genius, an artist, a poet, a mystic.

If this force awakens in an impure or out of balance form it can result in evil genius fanaticism delusions of grandeur, or mental illness (like manic depression and schizophrenia). There is a lot that is not understood that kundalini research will explain.

The brain is subject to the influence of countless factors connected with the life environment and the family history of an individual. When even slightly tainted or stained do to the pressure of reality or various causes such as wrong mode of life, unhealthy environment, faulty heredity, shock, frustration, repression, tension and numerous other factors. If the mind is abnormal the brain too must be a shareholder in the abnormality. There are subtle changes in some neuronic structures in the cranium. The real root of the abnormality is an impure or toxic condition of the prana. If you do not live a disciplined life then the awakening of this center can be unhealthy. A distorted vision of the same power. It means that the system is not pure and that the energy is not working in a healthy way.

There is a positive spiritual energy force within us all. Which has a physical counterpart in the human body that feeds a certain portion of the brain cavity of Brahma. This is a living electricity or intelligent energy that is needed to open the brain. The macrobiological changes and its effect can be observable and scientifically verified. Elevations of consciousness can only occur through the transformation brought by kundalini and by no other agency.

Nature shows compassion to humanity in order to help guide us safely through transgressions. God to me is a universal god that is not tied to any one organized religion. It gives us chance after chance. But when we digress off the path unhealthy results occur. We can not blame nature but ourselves. We have intelligence, we have reason, and we have learning. But if by having everything we ignore it then of course nature has no alternative except to teach us by suffering. Heaven is always merciful and all compassionate.

Great prophets, mystics, inventors, sages and people of genius have come to guide our race towards evolution’s goal. The study of the past will show the common thread within these great men and woman. Study is needed in order to educate us about how life should be led to be more in harmony with the forces of nature, which govern our life. A life of humility – love – purity - truth - moderation and compassion.

But how can we prove kundalini’s effect on the body? We can perform an experiment in a controlled environment. This experiment would take on hundred individuals with a healthy average intellect - normal typical people all with a great urge to awaken with a deep passion for spiritual matters and who are prepared to mold their lives in consort with the spiritual laws. Men and women aged twenty to thirty five. They would be put in a peaceful environment and subjected to various tests over a period of five years or more.

Scientists can observe them as the subjects try to awaken their kundalini. They will awaken to differing degrees. Tests will document the physiological changes that occur and will provide the empirical proof of what happens to the body as the kundalini force is awakened. I hypothesis that there are definitive biological differences in the blood, the cerebrospinal fluid and the composition of the brain matter in its subtle layers. Research on brain mapping. EEG ceg ces and the electricity in the body may show the kundalini force. The brain activity will be increased and its effect will be found all over the body. There will be metabolic processes, which can be measured. There will be physiological changes, which can be measured. This will convince the biologist that this change of the mind of the brain has physiological counter part. The result will start humanity towards a greater understanding of this evolutionary mechanism.

Once it is proved that the potential to awaken lies within everyone and is the most valuable asset we have, people will strive for it. The result on humanity will be comparable to the splitting of the spiritual atom. Instead of releasing a nuclear holocaust it will unleash the beginning of a utopian age, our cosmic destiny that can transform a mortal into an immortal and eternal source of happiness.

The awakening of these energies produces genius in mortal man or woman. Creativity, love and compassion emerge and pathways are opened to a future, awakened humanity. We will become the trailblazers of our own inevitable destiny. A utopian age of peace and harmony will follow. All political and spiritual processes will be developed for the highest good. Individuals will develop their “inner Sun” to the fullest during their lifetime. Kundalini research is part of an evolutionary force that compels us to look for enlightenment as an experience accessible to all. To awaken is the goal nature has set for us.

The time is right for we can use state of the art technology to study the phenomenon. We can study the common thread that lies at the root of all religion mysticism which is to guide humankind’s understanding of evolutionary change The understanding of kundalini is now becoming provable for the first time.

Sigmund Freud in fact understood that the libido is directly responsible for mental imbalances. At some point in time we will discover that all we know can be reduced to the bio-chemical. This center of the brain cavity of Brahma is still undiscovered but could be called the “third eye” or the “philosopher’s stone”. Kundalini will for the first time reveal how energy is supplied to the brain and that it is superintelligent. Freud’s concept about libido is of a psychic energy drawn from the libidinous tendencies in human beings. Which is to say the reproductive energy but only from a psychic point of view. He does not say that it has organic roots. This is what famed psychologist Wilhelm Reich emphasizes that this libido must have roots deep in the biochemical structure of the body.

The sex organs in a state of awakened kundalini produces a vast amount of fluid to feed the newly activated part of the brain. Sexual energy may well be directly connected to a mechanism that is affected by evolutionary advancement. Kundalini is the fundamental bioenergy stored primarily in the sex organs. This basic life force is normally associated with the genitals for simple continuance of the species by providing a sex drive. The tie in to the human sex drive and higher consciousness must be explored. Why do men have ejaculation while asleep or wake up with erect penises. There is a force of nature that needs physical release to be sane.

It is called the “goddess Kundalini” or “Mother Nature” because a mother’s love is similar to the bliss of higher consciousness. Woman have more feelings! Life is part of them - menstruation each month reminds them of that. Soulmates, man-woman have intercourse to prolong the race (children). Plus experience the love, kundalini evolutionary force of completion, happiness and bliss that keeps growing.

Sexual or relaxation exercises may release inner pressure of an over-taxed libido. An evolutionary super-nectar, extraordinary life force feeds the mind, a kissing food of unlimited bliss. The sublimation raising up of sex energy is the basic lever of all spiritual disciplines. But the all-inclusive nature of sex energy is a misnomer. Reproduction is but one of the aspects of the life energy of which the other theater of activity is the brain.

Humanity’s basic needs are for sex, god and a need for prayer to control our environment i.e.. hope within everyone lies the ability to awaken. Humanity needs love to balance our own unbalanced state and give us time to meditate, to control our over-taxed brain. Humanity’s sex drive may well be the only time some people relax from their hectic lifestyles. There is a need to just kick back and enjoy. Sex could be a form of deep meditation and experience between two soul mates. Loves deep blissful passion, kundalini’s purest expression an active prayer one of the most powerful forces in the universe. A positive experience that ends in an explosion of uncontrollable bliss. However for the average person, sex is not a deep meditation but is merely a physical release, a small slice of love’s true potential.

What is needed is that deep magnetism of love - a yin/yang of a universal constant. First came the big bang theory for the creation of the universe, now the love theory of creation states that the universe is a constant - always was here. That pure love magnetism, that yin/yang. Example. Trees love earth. Earth love the sky the sky loves the stars space… Love is consciousness … The universe is male and female and in love with both forces.

Suppression of sexuality out of contempt or hatred of our lower nature is an act of ignorance leading only to atrophy of the sexual system. Celibacy is contrary to nature. Since enlightenment is an evolutionary process with heredity playing an important role stamping the genera of the enlightened so that their biological gains through spiritual disciplines can be passed to their progeny. DNA research will eventually discover the consciousness gene.

Sexual energy has been represented in ancient art and statues by an erect organ. Showing the upward streaming of the reproductive essence that effects the transformation of consciousness.

In order to discover the factual evidence behind consciousness, one must first study kundalini energy and its effects. Scientific proof will free humanity to accept the fact that within everyone lies the temple of god leading to a clear realization of our own divine nature. Man’s incomprehensible inner bliss and oneness with divinity and a way of life that overpowers doing wrong or any other action that goes against this cosmic evolutionary force. The misunderstanding of kundalini has led to environmental decline that seems rooted to ultimate destruction of Planet Earth i.e. ozone layer, burning of rain forests, religious wars and terrorism, rape and murder….

It is one relationship not just to their own kundalini but also towards each other. It is the combination of the two that will lead not only to harmony but also to sharing and ultimately to progress. The appeal especially in these times is kundalini which offers hope promise. There is negative energy (i.e. ours) that can be transformed into positive communal conscience which will try to eradicate feelings of helplessness, negativity, pain and the burden of feeling isolated.

Why are people so selfish? Due to not having an understanding of kundalini. Just desperation, helplessness and power struggles which lead to hurting others and ourselves or apathy both of which have a profound effect on our history and the mood of the energy.

Our goal and objective is to create a paradise on earth. A peaceful co-existence, long lives, greater achievements and more freedom. A utopian society living by the laws uncovered by the experiment. A union with the divine is a sum total of the physical laws of the universe. We are in the process of taking the next evolutionary leap. The new century is here.

The study of what lifestyle would be best to advance ones inner potential is a task that may take eons to complete. With the help of divine grace may we free the veil that covers the eyes of the blind masses. We who have been chosen for this colossal task are the humble instruments of this evolutionary force. We will do our part to understand this unfathomable awareness of our eternal souls. The universe is ruled by an intelligent power! Consciousness does not change in birth or death it is bigger than our individual soul. Consciousness is an eternal om...

posted in Conscious Relating - 6 replies

-Marriage-

InLightInOne — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 03:41:31 GMT

In this life, we learn many ideals that shape the eternal us. Who or what we choose to love & trust molds us by the contours of its definitions. We sometimes trust in a lover to complete us. Through that partnership we learn tremendous lessons about love, life, and who we are to become, discovering that it is what that person channels that we really love. Ultimately, we are married to the universe and our partners are simply the route by which we come to understand our personal connection with God. Some couples separate because of static coming between them, others because it was simply meant to be. But a true marriage is not measured just by an event that deems it so, but rather by an indestructable link that is formed by both partner's light fused together forever. Inside of that that link stands a garden that the universe will never forget. Those blended colors cannot fade from the halls of the library, for they are the candles of it's midst. Beyond (yet through) humans, its chapters draw us to a special place where we find, with or without a partner, that we are never alone and always of marriage in the bridal chamber as One.

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

Poly Living Conference coming up

Alan — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 15:20:49 GMT

Just a note: If you'd seriously like to learn more about polyamory and
the people doing it, the Poly Living Conference is coming up the last
week in February outside Philadelphia:
http://www.lovemore.com/polyliving/polyliving2009.shtm

I've been to this before and can recommend it highly. Here's my
writeup of my experiences and impressions at the 2006 conference:
http://polyamoryonline.org/articles/poly_living_2006.html

And here is how the Washington Post covered the one in 2008:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/12/AR2008021203072.html

I'm going back this year. See you there?

Alan M.

posted in Conscious Relating - 0 replies

forgiveness

katri — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 15:03:55 GMT

I feel like I SHOULD practice forgiveness when someone wrongs me (well, there I go already with an idea of what is right and what is wrong), so let's say I'm impacted by a set of circumstances, I'm suffering, and forgiveness is The Path to releasing it.

I've given a lot of thought to what blocks me from being able to really forgive, for if I think of other experiences I had that were hurtful, it still makes me angry and I'm reticent to talk about it because I think that doing so just sets me up for being made wrong for not getting past it already. So I'm clear on the point that I'm creating my own suffering through my attachment to what I think I deserve and how I think people should behave.

It occurs to me that perhaps I'm folding excusing the action in with the forgiveness. I have felt that to forgive means to tell the transgressor that what they did was okay, when that is not so. It wasn't okay. So perhaps being able to discern separating the action/behavior from the person is a step on the path to forgiveness.

posted in Conscious Relating - 14 replies

Belief in our own goodness as foundation for LOVE!

aschleigh — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 22:18:36 GMT

The simplest form of awakening to god is…. A new intense sense of self, accompanied with a desire. With the feeling of being a destiny. This condition… cannot be induced. It simply happens. But from time immemorial, in different cultures and religious climates, people have used a method for quieting or simplifying consciousness so that a person may be better disposed for the moment of awakening. This new moment, of self-acceptance in a love relationship is a crucial moment. It is the watershed of all human relationships. It is what most of us most of the time stop short of. For this is the vital point at which our belief in our goodness is not strong enough to carry us forward. It is always some, often subtle, self—rejection that hinders us from believing in another’s finding us attractive and from seeing that the other does so when this happens…. And thus our weak sense of goodness holds us short of interdependent relationships, and keeps us in dependent relationships. We are willing slaves to beauty rather than shares in beauty

posted in Conscious Relating - 7 replies