I had a beautiful fairy friend....
She was a shining spirit - full of life and creativity....
But most of all - she was the embodiment of Pure, Unconditional Love....
She loved everybody - always smiling - always saying "hello Love", "goodbye Love"...
Always singing "Love, Love, Love"....
Her life was a work of art and her being was pure inspiration and joy....
I loved her - everyone she ever met loved her....
Then I found out she was brutally murdered....
She was in Asia - home alone - someone tried to rob her - she fought back and was stabbed to death....
Grief, shock and disbelief overcame me....
I could not get my head around it - I could not believe that this could happen to one of the most wonderful people on this earth....
she did not deserve to go like this....
I could not imagine the fear and terror she must have felt with her last breath....
the thought of it made me physically ill....
I understand that we all must die....
and yes, it's tragic that she had to pass - her time had come - etc....
But NOT like this - how could someone so peaceful and full of unconditional love and light suffer her last day of life like this....
This can not be the way - this is just not fair - this can't be the way the universe works - it just can't.....
A week had passed after I heard the news...
I couldn't come to terms with it....
I was listening to a Pema Chodron discourse on audio....
I was deep in a meditative state...
Then Pema Chodron said "whatever you choose to be aware of - the universe will serve up the opposite to help you become more aware...
if you want to practice patience - the universe will give you irritating situations so you can become aware of your impatience....
if you want to practice mindfulness - the universe will give you mind-less situations so you can become more aware...."
At that moment I received a download from the universe....
My friend was murdered because she believed in unconditional love.... she WAS the embodiment of Unconditional Love...
so she was killed in the worst way in order for her soul to practice and forgive and unconditionally love her killer....
This was her soul lesson...
If she did - her soul would not come back to this earth plane as a human - but ascend to the next realm of Angels and Muses....
The universe always unfolds for our greatest good - to bring our souls closer to source....
The universe only gives you what you can handle.... and her soul must have been so close to pure that she could handle it....
otherwise it wouldn't have been so....
This was the message I received....
and at that moment I felt like I understood....
and an awesome presence of peace came over me....
"she can do it" - I thought... she can transcend....!
I wholeheartedly believed this message - I truly believed that she was liberated from the mortal bondage of death and re-birth and that she has now gone to somewhere higher - where her love and light could do so much more profound work than on this human realm...
Today they found her killer....
he sold the things he had stolen from her home for $300...
that was all her life was worth... 300 dollars....
And instantly, that peace I had felt before vanished....
Instead I heard a voice in my head telling me that what I had realized before - what I thought was a download from the universe - was just my mind's way of rationalizing this heinous crime.... because I could not emotionally handle her death....
The voice said that there is no justice in this universe....
and that my friends death was just a cold, cruel, accident - it could happen to anybody - it just happened to be one of the most precious creatures on the planet....
If this is true - if there really is no rhyme or reason - if it just happened to be wrong place - wrong time - then I am not sure I can go on...
Then this whole world is pointless.... and everything is just random....
and there is no use to try to love - to try to help - to try to heal....
if this could just "happen" - then there is no karma - no wrong or right....
I want to believe that what my insight from the universe revealed was real - that there is some sort of order to this universe - some sort of soul evolution - some sort of kind universally all-loving spirit that guides us for our highest and greatest good....
but my mind is telling me that it's just a big rationalization and that the universe just exists - it is indifferent - and doesn't really care one way or the other...
it just goes on....
I don't know which one is real anymore...
I don't know what is real anymore...
I don't know what the point of this existence is....
I am feeling confused, cynical and a bit schizophrenic by all of this....
any insights from this tribe will be a great help in helping me to sort this tragedy out and come to some sort of terms....
Thank you for just letting me blurt this all out...
She was a shining spirit - full of life and creativity....
But most of all - she was the embodiment of Pure, Unconditional Love....
She loved everybody - always smiling - always saying "hello Love", "goodbye Love"...
Always singing "Love, Love, Love"....
Her life was a work of art and her being was pure inspiration and joy....
I loved her - everyone she ever met loved her....
Then I found out she was brutally murdered....
She was in Asia - home alone - someone tried to rob her - she fought back and was stabbed to death....
Grief, shock and disbelief overcame me....
I could not get my head around it - I could not believe that this could happen to one of the most wonderful people on this earth....
she did not deserve to go like this....
I could not imagine the fear and terror she must have felt with her last breath....
the thought of it made me physically ill....
I understand that we all must die....
and yes, it's tragic that she had to pass - her time had come - etc....
But NOT like this - how could someone so peaceful and full of unconditional love and light suffer her last day of life like this....
This can not be the way - this is just not fair - this can't be the way the universe works - it just can't.....
A week had passed after I heard the news...
I couldn't come to terms with it....
I was listening to a Pema Chodron discourse on audio....
I was deep in a meditative state...
Then Pema Chodron said "whatever you choose to be aware of - the universe will serve up the opposite to help you become more aware...
if you want to practice patience - the universe will give you irritating situations so you can become aware of your impatience....
if you want to practice mindfulness - the universe will give you mind-less situations so you can become more aware...."
At that moment I received a download from the universe....
My friend was murdered because she believed in unconditional love.... she WAS the embodiment of Unconditional Love...
so she was killed in the worst way in order for her soul to practice and forgive and unconditionally love her killer....
This was her soul lesson...
If she did - her soul would not come back to this earth plane as a human - but ascend to the next realm of Angels and Muses....
The universe always unfolds for our greatest good - to bring our souls closer to source....
The universe only gives you what you can handle.... and her soul must have been so close to pure that she could handle it....
otherwise it wouldn't have been so....
This was the message I received....
and at that moment I felt like I understood....
and an awesome presence of peace came over me....
"she can do it" - I thought... she can transcend....!
I wholeheartedly believed this message - I truly believed that she was liberated from the mortal bondage of death and re-birth and that she has now gone to somewhere higher - where her love and light could do so much more profound work than on this human realm...
Today they found her killer....
he sold the things he had stolen from her home for $300...
that was all her life was worth... 300 dollars....
And instantly, that peace I had felt before vanished....
Instead I heard a voice in my head telling me that what I had realized before - what I thought was a download from the universe - was just my mind's way of rationalizing this heinous crime.... because I could not emotionally handle her death....
The voice said that there is no justice in this universe....
and that my friends death was just a cold, cruel, accident - it could happen to anybody - it just happened to be one of the most precious creatures on the planet....
If this is true - if there really is no rhyme or reason - if it just happened to be wrong place - wrong time - then I am not sure I can go on...
Then this whole world is pointless.... and everything is just random....
and there is no use to try to love - to try to help - to try to heal....
if this could just "happen" - then there is no karma - no wrong or right....
I want to believe that what my insight from the universe revealed was real - that there is some sort of order to this universe - some sort of soul evolution - some sort of kind universally all-loving spirit that guides us for our highest and greatest good....
but my mind is telling me that it's just a big rationalization and that the universe just exists - it is indifferent - and doesn't really care one way or the other...
it just goes on....
I don't know which one is real anymore...
I don't know what is real anymore...
I don't know what the point of this existence is....
I am feeling confused, cynical and a bit schizophrenic by all of this....
any insights from this tribe will be a great help in helping me to sort this tragedy out and come to some sort of terms....
Thank you for just letting me blurt this all out...
posted by:
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Sun, March 2, 2008 - 5:52 PMParvati -
It sounds like you are being challenged to trust your own inner voice. I find that when in deep meditation "rationalization" rarely comes up. The state of deep meditation is a place free of the chatty part of the brain that rationalizes things. So, I would say your insight was real. I also understand how the details of the murder could pull you off your center, but the act is still the same one you received insight about no matter what the details. Stay true to your friend's legacy and believe.
Namaste,
Veronicah
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Sun, March 2, 2008 - 10:00 PMI really dont have an answer to this but just wanted to say a few words...
first of all my heart goes out to you and I truly wish your pain can be released in time....
the confusion is normal... you will figure it out and come to terms with this experience at your own pace.
Thank you for sharing such a deep and personal realtiy in your life right now ....that is brave.. vent if you need to ..it a way to clense yourself.
Recently a friend lost her 3 yr old daughter to a virus ..the flu and I found myself wondering why this little innocent child ... then I thought this tragic experience is meant for the childs mother to learn or change something..
its not always pretty nor will we always understand..
gosh we are lucky if we understand one thing fully in this life ...
but I do feel that life happens for a reason and that it inspires change within ourself for the best.....
change doesnt have to be painful.. sometimes it is ....sometimes its not..... but evolving is always good in my opinion.
I dont know the reasons .... but I do believe there are reasons..... just that only the individual knows what it is.
with love and compassion
Take care. -
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Mon, March 3, 2008 - 12:43 AMThank you Veronicah & Jessy...
I received so many positive, loving and heart-felt responses... I was reminded to never forget again....
she is in a higher space and her love and light is shining on so brightly!!! I just know this in my heart to be true!!!
I know she is with the angels and muses... and there is nothing but love in the universe... love only!!!
I guess I just had a moment when the egg started to crack or so to speak... and the doubt, despair and disillusion started it's assault in my mind.... and I just began to deeply question and doubt the nature of reality....
I have gained so much valuable insight and understanding from this tribe that I just had to reach out...
Thank you both for reaching back....
I'm going to continue to TRUST, love and live life to the fullest....!!! and keep believing in my angels, my muses, my higher divine loving universe.... -
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Tue, March 4, 2008 - 3:14 PMParvati - I am thinking often about all those affected by this tragedy during this time.
I believe many are so hurt because we only see what we can see....
so many people are great reflections of love around us, but they too have soul wounds that they carry, and they have too have soul wounds that they must heal or the wound will be recreated in multiple lifetimes.
i honor the learning of every individual soul, and the learning that they gift us by showing us things we need to see - however horrific they may be.
I am loving and trusting in this world, but I have been reminded that there are people who are seriously hurt out there who can do a lot of damage, and I need to be aware. I no longer walk down the dark alley every night. A big lesson of realities and caution has come out of this for me, as well as awareness of karma and thought.
I have also been reminded that seeing only the loving side of our friends and not always knowing their deeper struggles and thought tendencies can paint really confusing veils. The illusion of those of us who are drawn to the light not having karma, soul wounds, and struggles we carry with us. The illusion that we are all done our work and ready not to come back can be painful. We are all human because we have work to do. The traumas in our lives indicate much more learning to come.
I prayed for the healing of her soul during her transition time to the other side, as from what I understand, no soul that has completed all its lifetimes ends its work here in trauma.
I wish you strength and healing and that your connection with her and learning from her continue.
bless,
rayann
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Tue, March 4, 2008 - 3:17 PMI'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend Parvati. I came across the story very shortly after it happened.
Be well.
Sat nam
~V~
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Tue, March 4, 2008 - 3:17 PMand you are right - she is with with the angels and guides now, and there is nothing but love only.
thank you for posting.
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Sat, March 29, 2008 - 9:53 AMMy deepest thoughts are with you.
I've been through this with friends, it is unbelievably heartbreaking.
Hugs to you.
