dr estes is a pretty wise woman...
xoj
Traits for Finding a Lifelong Mate
(Clarissa Pinkola Estes)
1. Choose someone as though you were blind. Close your eyes
and see what you can FEEL; their kindness, loyalty, insight,
devotion, their ability to be concerned with you, their ability to care
for themselves as an independent being.
2. Choose a person who has the ability to learn, explore new
ways of doing things and perceiving things, who is curious, and
who is EVOLVING.
3. Choose someone who is willing to be like you....strong like a
tree, but flexible in the wind. Someone who is sensitive and who
has the ability to see what is around them......who is AWAKE and
alert.
4. Chooses someone who when you hurt them, they are willing
to show it; and when they hurt you, they see it and are sorry.
COMMUNICATE it within 24 hours. Choose someone who can
perceive your pain and feel for you about it.
5. Choose someone who has an INNER LIFE that they love, who
is on their own journey - and who wants a partner on their own
journey.
6. Choose someone who has similar passions as your own.
A relationship is for making similar memories together, doing things
TOGETHER - this is the GLUE of the relationship during hard times.
It can be very simple.
7. Choose someone who has similar VALUES about children,
money, marriage, family. This decreases the friction in
relationship. These need to be worked out before there is a
long-term commitment. When the pragmatics in the relationship
are mostly taken care of, it is much more easy to SOAR.
8. Choose someone who is COMPASSIONATE, willing and able
to listen, who gives equal time.
9. Choose someone who can LAUGH at themselves, or who can
stop an argument in mid-sentence.
10. Be able to overlook certain faults and characteristics. KNOW
WHAT YOU CAN LIVE WITH. Anything that takes a person away
from their soul life, or not telling the truth, or a person who cannot
face you after making a mistake and who tries to cover it over in a
dramatic, large way instead....this would be starting a relationship
on a swamp ground.
11. Be FRIENDS, not just lovers. Are you willing to do for your
partner what you would do for your good friend?
12. ****VERY IMPORTANT*****...WHEN YOU CHOOSE, CHOOSE
SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOUR LIFE BIGGER RATHER THAN
SMALLER."
xoj
Traits for Finding a Lifelong Mate
(Clarissa Pinkola Estes)
1. Choose someone as though you were blind. Close your eyes
and see what you can FEEL; their kindness, loyalty, insight,
devotion, their ability to be concerned with you, their ability to care
for themselves as an independent being.
2. Choose a person who has the ability to learn, explore new
ways of doing things and perceiving things, who is curious, and
who is EVOLVING.
3. Choose someone who is willing to be like you....strong like a
tree, but flexible in the wind. Someone who is sensitive and who
has the ability to see what is around them......who is AWAKE and
alert.
4. Chooses someone who when you hurt them, they are willing
to show it; and when they hurt you, they see it and are sorry.
COMMUNICATE it within 24 hours. Choose someone who can
perceive your pain and feel for you about it.
5. Choose someone who has an INNER LIFE that they love, who
is on their own journey - and who wants a partner on their own
journey.
6. Choose someone who has similar passions as your own.
A relationship is for making similar memories together, doing things
TOGETHER - this is the GLUE of the relationship during hard times.
It can be very simple.
7. Choose someone who has similar VALUES about children,
money, marriage, family. This decreases the friction in
relationship. These need to be worked out before there is a
long-term commitment. When the pragmatics in the relationship
are mostly taken care of, it is much more easy to SOAR.
8. Choose someone who is COMPASSIONATE, willing and able
to listen, who gives equal time.
9. Choose someone who can LAUGH at themselves, or who can
stop an argument in mid-sentence.
10. Be able to overlook certain faults and characteristics. KNOW
WHAT YOU CAN LIVE WITH. Anything that takes a person away
from their soul life, or not telling the truth, or a person who cannot
face you after making a mistake and who tries to cover it over in a
dramatic, large way instead....this would be starting a relationship
on a swamp ground.
11. Be FRIENDS, not just lovers. Are you willing to do for your
partner what you would do for your good friend?
12. ****VERY IMPORTANT*****...WHEN YOU CHOOSE, CHOOSE
SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOUR LIFE BIGGER RATHER THAN
SMALLER."
posted by:
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SF Bay Area
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thank you, jeff
my first reaction: i know that!
so it sure is nice to have it on a list
and yes, i agree, estes is a sage
she wrote a wonderful piece right after 911
that comes to mind
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Thanks Jeff,
This is very good posting.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes is a well-known writer...is it from her book Women who Run with Wolves?
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Thank you for posting this. I just wish I had considered all of these traits before giving vows that I can no longer keep. I will not make that same mistake again.
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Clarissa P. Estes in Women Who Run With The Wolves, has a story about The Skeleton Woman and I think that is one to add to the list. It talks about "unraveling the bones" to get to what is blocking one from intimacy and commitment which has to do with our relationship with ourself. Thanks for the post. Namaste
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Skeleton Woman is one of my favorite stories. So, often we do run from the very situation we need to heal us.
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Excellent and I agree with that wisdom, Angelique. Thank you Jeff for this sharing as well.
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Big, necessarry trait for me in a lifelong partner is someone who is willing and able to deal with their own stuff. In a continuous self discovery way. The ability to self reflect.
This question is from The Hendrick institute, They wrote a book called Conscious Loving.
RELATIONSHIP QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
QUESTION:
In a healthy relationship, is the element of need/needing each other a vital component? I associate the word need with clingy, co-dependent and see that
as negative. I am a very independent woman, and I do not feel the need for someone to complete me, being the missing piece of the puzzle etc. Instead I want my partner to be just that - a partner . My ideal relationship is two independent individuals who come together and share their worlds, and merge into their own world a deux. One draws strength from the other and vice versa - but to need someone or they will die/go crazy without him/her...I do not understand that concept. Maybe you can shed some light into this matter.
Thanks.
Hi, Tiana,
Thanks for this intriguing question. We have found in our work with thousands of couples that need generally points to an unresolved issue from the past. For example, if one partner says, I need you to listen to me more, we would encourage that person to look at the source of needing and not getting listening. These issues are almost never current, but rooted in parental or sibling interactions that replay in close adult relationships. It has been our experience that in healthy relationships people come together as equal creators of the relationship they WANT, and handle the resolved issues from the past as they emerge from the enhanced energy of close relationship. --Kathlyn Hendricks
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