To realize that perfection is unattainable, yet always there. I think a relationship is defined as it unfolds, as exactly what it becomes and/or is when it begins.

I know the subtext you are talking about, and that is actually what I was trying to address here. There are always these questions of "should I do this or should I do that in my relationship? -- i.e What is the best way for me to get what I want out of my partner?" That, to me, is the search for the "Perfect Relationship". The thing is, all relationships are perfect, once you understand that you have what you yourself have created.

So, to avoid this one particularly large and extremely common pitfall, you need to have a completely different approach, one that addresses the underlying problem -- which is that people think that they love their partners, when quite often they are actually just attached to them because of what they can get out of them. Of course, the difference in approach is so different that you can't possibly get any sense of fulfillment out of the relationship, which is too high a price for some to pay, even though in exchange for their co-dependence they would get a healthy and a relatively drama-free relationship.

Anyway, I appreciate your comments and hope we can continue to have a healthy discussion on the topic.

The truth that I speak of is self-evident once you really look for it. It's not a doctrine or a guideline or a position of any kind. It is just the truth of your own nature -- that which animates your body and all of life itself.

Co-dependence doesn't always feel bad, and in fact it often feels good. That's why people engage in it so much and don't even think to question it. When you've sat in the stew of your own suffering for some period of time and someone comes along and tells you, "I love you, and I'm going to make you feel good again," of course you are happy with the result, even if your new partner is being co-dependent with you. Who wouldn't be happy with that?

The problem is that this sort of approach has its inherent limitations, limitations that eventually lead back to suffering, sometimes even more suffering than what you experienced before. The best that you can hope for in this kind of relationship is that both people will continuously give what they need to give in order to receive what they want from their partner, and hopefully the rules around this exchange won't ever change too much. Some people would be more than satisfied with this kind of arrangement, but it's still a situation in which you're both feeding a bottomless pit that can't ever be filled by another human being. If you want that pit to go away, you have to deal with it yourself.

Then again, very few relationships can maintain this sort of "best-case-scenario" without something changing or somebody feeling that they aren't getting as much out of the relationship as they are putting into it -- and so drama ensues. In my experience, there isn't any way to engage in co-dependence without some problem surfacing later, so to avoid those kinds of problems you need to bypass that whole dynamic somehow. For me, I've found that nothing will do that until you've given up on getting something out of the relationship, and instead simply receive what is given and only stick around so long as it is in everyone's highest good to do so -- which is what Truth will tell you if you care to ask.

Thanks David.
"...therefore, we are all in TRUTH able to direct our relationships however we want them to look by being honest and responsible."
May I add...'and open'...?

sorry for the typos! hope that made sense...was typing and answering the phone at the same time. talk about not being present!!! LOL

But that can be good in moderation.